hang on.

交上考卷。穿上外套。收拾书包。走出考场。我很平静。出奇的平静。我有点害怕这样的自己。决定从学校走路回家。往常只需要十五分钟的路程今天用了近半小时。我应该要大哭一场。我所认识的我一定会这样做。我想打电话给随便任何一个人来讲一下话。但是我不知道我到底该说什么。结果我什么都没有做。只是真的异常冷静的默默的走在艳阳高照却冷风瑟瑟的街道。我就这样一直往前走。一直走。一直走。这是所谓的暴风雨前的平静吗？

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. It's time to try defying gravity.  

-Defying Gravity.

漂流瓶

我爱上了在午夜十二点进浴室泡一个至少半小时的热水澡。没有特别的原因。但是享受在冷空气中让热水滑过身上每一寸的肌肤。享受在热水中默默的送走又过去的一天，悄悄的迎接新一天的开始。享受安静的让思想自由的跃动，静谧的想想这一天都作了什么。享受水流给予一种把污秽把悲伤把不愉快都给冲走的感觉。

我开始了写日记的习惯。所谓日记，就是很传统的拿一个本子把心情故事记载在里头。同样的，没有特别的原因。只是人在生命不同的阶段都会有这么些自己都想不到会付诸行动的冲动，不是吗？希望这一次不再是三分钟热度。

只剩十天了。我很很很很很很非常非常非常的期待！

失去。漂流着那份情来过的证据。

turducken.

Friendship isn't how you forget, but how you forgive.

Not how you listen, but how you understand.

Not how you see, but how you feel.

Not how you let go, but how you hold on.

Everything before but could slip in that easily and everything after but could sway away that easily too. If it could be the other way up. This awful pain could as well be taken away like how chocolate can take away the period pain. He said dark chocolate in particular.

This coldness does nothing good to uh, life? The nearest yet so far away, beyond the verge of further, furthest. You knew it. What could probably be done are yet declared to be foul. No one loves to take that initiative. Because a silly thing called dignity seems to be the utmost cling. No one wants to break this silence. As if a tote of silence is the best bag to hide all lies, dissatisfaction, selfishness, irresponsibility. Perhaps it really is. 

I am mad. Because the world is way crazier. Ain't it? Why it always has to be at critical time such as this- the verge of finals, the verge of assignments completion. To distract me from doing good at the last batch of battle, I'm just curious.

It is meant to be incomprehensible. Comprehend the words, if you could. And talk to me on what I should do. Pamper me, like you used to. 

A chicken stuffed in a duck Jammed in a turkey is called turducken. According to Glee.

连心都下雪。

很久没有透过文字诉说心情。不是太忙，不是太懒惰。很多时候写了很长一篇，到最后决定全选然后按下删除键。有的时候，原来很多的事情只要跟家人说就够了。真的只有家人可以让你安心的任性。只有家人会在你最痛的伤口为你换上最美丽的包扎。

成长原来真的是一瞬之间的变化。成长就是再也没有人在你身边让你放任着任性。成长就是当你开始独自的面对大大小小的事情。成长就是你开始觉得快乐都变成了一种奢华。成长就是你终于明白有一些人真的完全不值得你为他流一滴眼泪。成长就是眼泪滑落之前告诉自己不可以哭。成长就是内心情绪澎湃着千变万化的同时却必须表现的很镇定。

看到表姐的信息说外婆进医院，我的心真的乱了，慌了一下。马上打电话回家，听着真的不小心眼泪奔腾而下。是心疼。心真的紧紧的揪在一起。听到大家都赶回诗巫。我真的恨不得马上潇洒的订一张机票就飞回家去。妈咪刚才说外婆出院回家了。妈咪把电话给外婆让她跟我说了一下话。她只叫了我一声咪咪。鼻头酸酸的。主啊，求你医治我的外婆，挪走她身上一切的痛苦！主啊，我宣告你医治的大能要临到她身上。主你怜悯看顾这个家，家里每一个人。奉耶稣基督名字宣告，阿门！阿嬷，你一定要加油，一定要快快好起来！拜托。

感恩节的假期就这样匆匆的结束了。接踵而来的是很多的功课和考试。人生中第一次欢庆感恩节。感恩节，或称Thanksgiving Day在美国是一个很夯的节庆。美国人似乎都为之而疯狂。而在这一年的感恩节，我享用了不下四次的火鸡大餐。我花了不少的钱在黑色星期五购物。我到一个叫做Great Smoky Mountains的地方度假。Smoky Mountains位于Tennessee州。很棒很美好的一段旅程。只是这一次的旅程让我回忆无穷尽的泛滥，好多好多的一些些的事情都那么的熟悉，都那么轻易的勾起了曾经的我们。曾经的我们也一起做了那些很美好的事情。简简单单的爱情让人如此的向往。简简单单的友情让人如此的想拥有。他真的很像你。如此的相似让我以为你在我身边做着你曾经为我做的事，讲着你曾经对我诉说的话语。真的在那一霎我真真实实的在他身上看到了你。终于明白对你的思念从来都没有减少过。它却因时间距离的磨炼变得更加的香醇更加的浓厚。

今天，是一个好日子吧。JPA在今天进钱了。也在今天，第一次的Presentation。竟然有一点小紧张。整体还算可以吧。天空，也在今天下雪了。一个人走在白雪堆砌的路上，尝试让自己想想当下的感受。其实并没有什么特别的感受。是有少许的兴奋。少许的哦哦哦原来下雪是这样的。白茫茫的雪景其实很赏心悦目。

情歌

慌乱城市中 连风都不自由

热闹的街头 就属我最寂寞

-张信哲 太想爱你

其实有时候所谓情歌不一定只献于爱情。

因为友情有时候也是那么一回事。

叶彤说，一个人的生活其实很好。

我会开始习惯一个人的生活。

最痛的地方 最美的包扎

那是几米童话世界里叉叉熊的坚持。

是梦想的美好还是现实的残酷让生活变成这样一个走不出的银河。世俗的舆论人心的可畏不是你说不要就凭空消失的。曾经许下的诺言却摇身变成插在赤裸裸炯体上的刀柄。只是早就知道后果是这样却还是不甘心的承认面对。只是一直秉抱的信念都开始没办法说服自己的时候应该就清楚知道是时候不再依赖不再欺骗勇敢放开手。可悲的是经过了这么多的风这么多浪这么多的风这么多的雨这么多的雪这么多的霜连珍惜两个字都不晓得吗？感慨的是或许最起初最原始那一步棋就走错了。

不知不觉十一月了。根据农历日历计算我刚好满二十岁了。在农历生日的这一天妈咪叫我要煮水煮蛋给自己吃。原来我还是很传统的福州人。我非常的想念每年生日吃寿面的传统。我真的想念了。活了二十年第一次的生日没有家人我真的有一点不习惯。

祝自己生日快乐。

看着电脑荧幕相距好几千几万公里的家中三个小孩儿开始像模像样的走路，一样的哭闹声一样的笑声，心中是充满感动的。看着外婆在电脑荧幕前问我你现在看到的是谁还问我什么时候回家，眼眶不小心湿湿的。我比你们想我更想你们。

之前参与的试吃杏仁果的实验经过一个月完成了。看吧时间真的过的很快很快。一个朋友说该写一写关于这个实验。整个过程最害怕的就是打针抽血这一环。没有为什么也没有什么特别的阴影但就是一直害怕打针所带来的那种感觉。所以当初决定就趁这次克服一下这个恐惧吧。多多少少有克服到吧，我想。至少没这么害怕这种感觉。虽然当针插进皮肤的那一刹那还是会轻轻的感觉刺痛一下。忍一下就过了，真的。

野兽总是对美女说，虽然我外貌丑陋骇人，但是我有一颗善良动人的心。

人生中第一次的现场舞台剧献给了美女与野兽。 很美丽的故事很美丽的歌曲。我却希望坐在我身边跟我一起观赏这出舞台剧的是你。看完舞台剧是感动的。感动于故事的凄美。感动于表演者的努力付出。感动于以往的梦想真的在现实生活中成真。

感动在于想起了你，那个独有的你。

她说

看着伤痕累累的双手，真的有种想哭的冲动。


我会好好的 花还香香的
时间一直去 回忆真美丽

相片温热，泪水透彻。

似乎已经忘了怎么笑。为什么连我最珍贵的笑容都要抢走。现在我真的什么都没有了。好久好久没有哭得这么伤心。哭得就要窒息了。没有人可以紧紧的抱我一下。没有一个肩膀可以让我靠一下。惟有抱着枕头躲在被窝里让悲伤泛滥。因为不哭出来会得内伤。

我好想回家。我以为我可以忍住这个思乡之情。没想到才不到三个月的时间我就开始这么这么的想回家了。怎么办。我不想读书。不想考试。不想一个人生活。不想要哭的时候装着笑。不想谎言堆砌的环绕。几米的话真的说到心坎里。

病了，一个人扛；烦了，一个人藏；痛了，一个人挡；街上，一个人逛；路上，一个人想；晚上，一个人的床。慢慢的习惯了一个人的生活，变得沉默，变得冷落，没了想理，不想说，不想看。我不是高傲，也不是胡闹，只是厌倦了那些随时可能失去的依靠。--几米。

放弃，好吗？一个人告诉我，当你想要放弃的那一瞬间，想想你一直坚持到今天的理由。听到这句话有种莫名的感动。是啊。再怎么难过，还是要过。既然怎么样都要继续的走下去，何不选择让自己好过一点的方式过。我们不能选择别人要怎么对待我们，我们不能选择生活要怎么欺压我们，但是我们可以选择怎么对自己好。

勉励自己的一句话：

Here in this power of Christ, I'll stand. --Chris Tomlin, In Christ Alone.

I am who I am.

小猪很天真很自然的豪不做作的做自己。海绵宝宝却有着好多的猜不透在它炯炯的眼神背后。生命中到底有几个小猪可以守候在身旁，值得你掏心掏肺也不怕被伤害。生活真的太现实了。每个人都带着海绵宝宝的顾虑，海绵宝宝虚伪可怕的笑容。狠狠的刺伤你再对你虚假的笑笑。

小猪不是真的那么笨。小猪什么都知道。小猪只是不想把事情摊得那么白来讲。小猪真的受伤了。小猪的心真的好痛好痛。小猪的眼泪只能往肚子里吞。小猪不知道还有哪一个小猪是她可以相信的。小猪已近分不清真诚和虚假了。小猪也终于明白了真心换来绝情的痛是那么撕裂的疼。可以有谁来紧紧的抱一抱小猪吗？小猪真的怕她就要压抑不住了。小猪真的怕她随时就要崩溃了。

* * * * *

不经意的抬起头仰望天空，想起我们一起看星星的那个夜晚。突然好想你。想你给予的那一种安心。我现在需要的就是那种安心，我不想每天提心吊胆的过日子。

天气渐渐转凉了。冷风瑟瑟，细雨绵绵，那颗炙热的心也随着人生的无奈渐渐冷淡了。因为没人告诉她该怎么办。没人告诉她生活不是尽顺人意。没人告诉她成长要付出那么痛的代价。谁让生活就是那么现实呢？

我还是原本的那个我。我还是那个一天至少要睡十小时的我。我还是那个到了最后一秒才知道有考试仍然悠悠读书的我。我还是那个到了最后一分钟才知道该交的功课还没做的我。我还是那个常常不去上课的我。我还是那个什么都搞不清楚状况的我。我还是那个爱吃的我。我还是那个爱看戏的我。我还是那个房间好乱的我。我还是那个爱听歌的我。我还是那个爱哭的我。我还是那个爱神的我。我还是那个爱想念家人朋友的我。我还是那个听着别人的纠结自己先伤心痛哭的我。我还是花好多时间上网的那个我。我还是那个需要用至少半小时冲凉的我。

我还是那个我！但你还是那个你吗？

* * * * *

留了半年多的头发。

继续的往地心吸力发展吧！

笑着哭　最痛

笑着笑　最美

一宿虽然有哭泣，早晨便必欢呼！－诗篇３０：５。

skyscraper

Reality kicks in and says things otherwise. A lot of time. You see, sometime you think he/she is this person you come to really indulge, get along with. Because you could say it out loudly, patting on your flesh and heart that you deal things or treat this one being with whole lot of sincerity and honesty. But this saying goes, God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you are meant to be. He/She hurts you, incorporating with betrayal, dishonesty. Such apparent dishonesty he/she thought you are dumb enough to not acknowledge it. You know. You don't want to point it out. For the good sake of this breakable knit. At least, you know you did your parts. You relentlessly work out the needs. Selflessly. Righteously. Sincerely. Honestly.

Life ain't easy. So much a pain you can't wander off. So much tough rocks lying on a smooth path and what you do is to take up these rocks before you can lead and step on a really smooth road. But rocks might hurt many a time. They really hurt. They hurt so much you say you don't want to continue picking up the rocks, you don't want to continue the path ahead, all you want is to turn back and hide in that cozy zone forever. That comfort zone with people who love you, support you, take care of you with a genuine sincerity, with an impeccable honesty. You miss these familiar people so much, you feel innocent so much and you start to walk on the road weeping like a mad as if the world has stopped rotating for you. But you soon figure out no, the world is not going to stop for you, just for you. Because everyone has their own life to lead, because everyone has their own problem to fret about. No one will always be reserved to listen to your tiny bits of unhappiness. You need to get rid of them by yourself. And from that, you start to grow. 

Yes. You can go ahead to take everything I have. You can go ahead to break everything I am. Like I am made of glass. Like I am made of paper. You can go ahead tearing me down. But mind you, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper!

Hypocrisy is a big no no. You just did it.

Other than that, all is well.

People said, angry is taking others' fault to make ourselves suffer. True. Very true. But this thing called emotion says it otherwise. I really don't like you. Never had in my life I dislike a person so much. So much that I don't anymore want to consider you as a friend. Because you literally don't deserve the term. No point to talk on this unhappiness. But please behave for your own good sake, for any sake it would be.

* * * * *

已经进入十月的第八天了。在普渡大学的第一个学期也已过刚好一半了。时间，我就快跟不上你的脚步了。秋假的第一天哪儿都没去，待在家把房间从头到尾整理了一番。睡觉睡到自然醒，吃饭看戏，洗衣服，属于自己的私人时间空间，感觉好久好久没有这样了，感觉真的很好。

开着Skype听着华宣的主日聚会。其实很想念。华宣十岁了。好想飞回家参加十周年的庆典活动。好想念大家同心合一的为着我们的家把每一个活动搞得轰动。好想念大家一起经历每一个大事小事为了把最好的献给神。每一次跟你们聊天都让我好欣慰。就像家人所给以的那一种安慰。每一句简单的话却是鼓励我继续往前走的肯定。

在美国还是没改了爱看电影的爱好。一个星期内就看了两部电影。一部是Dolphin Tale，一部是Lion King。两部都是值得看看的作品。海豚的传说讲的是一只尾巴受了伤的海豚的故事。改编自真实故事，其实真的是一部很棒的电影。狮子王的故事是纯粹的拥有好多童年味道的一部巨作。即使是在动物的世界也是存在着正邪两方，也是存在着阿谀我咋。但是不管怎样，到了最后邪还是不能胜正的。好多感慨感动欣慰快乐深深的悸动留在心坎的最深处。

前几个星期参加了类似这个地方文化节的活动。真是大开眼界。很好很难忘的经验。吃了好多好棒的食物。看到好多穿着奇异服装的人。看到好多人把动物的毛发穿在身上。感觉是那么的真实，却又显得有点飘缈。平时只能在电视上看到的人事物，现在就这么真实的摆在眼前

其实生活就是有起有落的时候。其实生活不会是一帆风顺。其实生活就是充满着许许多多意想不到的事情发生。因为人生本来就是辛苦的。因为苦难能帮助我们成长。在那天抽血的过程中悟出了这个道理。

一直很害怕打针抽血。为了钱啊，就硬着头皮给针就这么的插进皮肤。原来也就只是那么一下子就过了。其实就只要跨过了那个根源的时间点，一切都会变好的。

其实原理很简单。当问题来时，你就把你的背转向它，不要一昧的埋头在问题里，就这样头也不回的往另一个方向走。在难过的事情，就跟自己说Hakuna Matata。没有烦恼，自由自在的生活态度。

Hakuna Matata! 好好享受来临秋天的洗礼。因为秋天是一整年当中最后一个且最美丽的笑容。

Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile. -William Cullen Bryant.

信是未曾看见

依然仰望十架。信是完全交托，深知主已掌权。=）

时间飞逝！九月就这样悄悄的接近尾声了。浑浑噩噩的上了很多课，做了很多功课，考了很多试！读书为了考试，考试为了读书，这整个反反复复的循环真的是很烦啊！天资我没有，努力我有！来吧，谁怕谁？我没有在怕的！

刚才参加了一个华文教会的聚会。深深的感动聚在心中久久不能散去。可能是因为华文所带来的亲切感。可能是太多的压力忧虑在一瞬间被卸下。但是很肯定的是，神就是那么一个行奇妙作为的全能者！圣灵轻轻的抚摸溶化我的心。热泪盈眶奔腾而下。就一首很简单却涵盖深层意义的“轻轻听”。主啊，感谢你。你提醒我继续维持着最初的热心奔驰在这条道路上。我有多久没有燃起心中那一份最初的热情，最初的爱心了呢？主啊，赞美你！你再次的跟我说，无论怎样，无论情况再怎么糟，我都要维持着我那独有的喜乐！是没有人可以把它抢走的！我每天都在跟别人说，不好的事情总有过去的一天，只要持守着喜乐，持守着信心，好的事情总会接踵而来。而我自己有这么做吗？主啊，感谢你透过今天的聚会再次的提醒我，靠着你，没有什么事是不能行的。我一直很喜欢腓立比书四章十三节这么说，我靠着那加给我力量的，凡是都能做。是啊，在神凡事都能！或风浪或低谷，主平安在我心！行在主的旨意，我凡事都能做！

生活嘛，就是平静中带点风浪，风浪中带点平静。总需要互相调和，生活才美丽。在某一天的谈话中，老爸在电话的那一头语重心长苦口婆心的说，既然大家都一起来到这么远的地方读书了，就应该互相照应互相照顾。怎么他要跟别人闹不和呢？真是说得太好太感触人心了。你怎么就不会学一学怎么好好跟人相处呢？怎么就不会对待别人像别人怎么对待你哪般呵？老妈说世界上怎么怪人那么多？记得，如果只有一个人对你有偏见，那可能是那一个人自己有些问题。但是当不只一个人都对你有着同样的意见时，你真的该好好反思。

其实，我好喜欢West Lafayette这个小镇。虽然它偏僻了一点。但是就是这种小镇给了我很多的亲切感。它让我很有置身在诗巫的感觉。那一天，走在路上，突然有个长辈走过来，派给我们一本圣经。这个小镇是一个蒙福的地方！有一天我在公园跑步，就让我看到了两个温馨的画面。这一边，一对年轻父母带着他们的小孩儿们在公园嬉戏。这个父亲将他的小女儿抛上空中，然后再将她紧紧安全的接回自己的怀中。这个妈妈则拿着相机在将家人的每一个细节捕捉下来永远的存档起来。另一边，一对年老的老夫妻悠闲的来到公园，轻轻的互相细谈，一边吃着带来的食物。生命是美好的，不要为了一点点的瑕疵，宁愿选择放大那一点的瑕疵，而放弃了一大片美丽的天空。

人生美好的事很多。如果真的不快乐吧，就还是要苦中作乐！因为没有人应该整天不快乐。因为每个人都有拥有快乐的自由，拥有快乐的资格。没有人该把你的笑容夺走！

逛街购物是个不错的选择！

童年味道的零食！

甜食真的大大提高开心指度！

吃一顿大餐！

就这样的拍照吧！

就这样的诚恳自由自在的笑吧！因为笑容是很有感染力的。因为笑容可以拉近人与人之间的距离。因为笑容是苦毒最好的良药。因为笑对健康是有益的。因为笑，就这么笑吧！笑吧！

不管天有多黑，星星还在夜里闪亮。

不管夜有多长，黎明早已在那头盼望。

不管山有多高，信心的歌把它踏在脚下。

不管路有多远，心中有爱仍然可以走到云端。

娱乐豆！

我又生病了。到美国刚好一个月。其间竟然小感冒了两次。只能说我老了。免疫系统变得好弱。朋友说，在家里被照顾得太好了吧，即使真的病了，身边总是有一群的天使环绕照顾着我。

一连打了好多个喷嚏，是不是你在想我了呢？

其实，这里啊，除了那阴晴不定的天气和一些惹人反感的人事物之外，一切还是很好的。学长学姐们对我们真的很好，很好！

他们从来都不会摆出任何架子，他们总是那么和蔼可亲的跟我们打成一片，他们总是给我们很多有用的忠告，有好吃的一起吃，有好玩的一起玩，有好笑的一起笑！谢谢你们！

生命的小组，教堂的聚会，弟兄姐妹的爱，神的恩典，让位在这个陌生的领土不再陌生，让我在这一个小镇找到了归属感。

神的爱是信实的。听着一个个那么真实，那么感人的见证，都是神你何等奇妙的作为！是你在你的子民生命中所缔造的爱。主啊，为着这个蒙福的城镇赞美你！

她是马来西亚人。一个跟我同名的学姐。

月圆人团圆的中秋节，我们也过得很好。有很圆的月亮，有好吃的食物，有很美味的月饼，有很怀念很传统的灯笼。

只是在听着月亮圆，听着听着，突然悲从中来，情不自禁不小心哭了一下。

只是有时候，想念真的是会呼吸的痛。

这些日子，我们悟出了一些道理。原来只有诗巫来的人才会那么的恋家，真诚，天真，简单，快乐。请好好的对待珍惜这一帮可爱单纯的人儿吧！

我很骄傲，我是一个诗巫人！在各个不同地方的你们，好好的照顾自己！

很多人说我肥了！只能说美国把我喂得太好了！

我真的不是一个介意这个课题的人。但是，为了健康着想。我会努力运动的！为了让妈咪放心，从明天开始我会努力喝麦片的！

其实生活真是充满了烦恼，为着考试烦恼！为着功课烦恼！为着私事烦恼！为着公事烦恼！所以才有一首歌叫作，最近比较烦！

一直很喜欢这张照片！其实有时候，会有那么一瞬间，我好想回到曾经那懵懵懂懂无忧无虑开心快乐的童年时光！小孩子总是那么单纯，不会有任何奸诈的心计，不会想着怎么样隐藏自己的想法。小孩子总是那么率直，知道就说知道，不知道就说不知道！

人啊，真的不要做得如此虚伪！！


最后，迟来的祝福！马来西亚，831国庆日快乐！916马来西亚日快乐！

我爱我的祖国！！

destined.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. -Psalm 23.

The other day, I was chatting with my brother. He wrote something like, mom went to hospital. The first thought came to my mind reading the sentence was actually some kind of intimidation. You know, that kind of scary creepy feeling crawling around my mind, why my mom went to the hospital, what had happened? And then I learned that a relative of mine passed away. For a moment, I actually felt relieved. It's not something happened on my mom. For the next moment, of course I mourned for the death of this relative. 

Most of my relatives went back to Sibu for the funeral. I got this chance skyping with so many relatives at one shot. Seeing the familiar faces, listening to the familiar voices, I see my eyes filled with tear. I miss them all. People asked, how are you doing? You know, it's this line which always gets everything mingled up. I'm really not that good. I don't like some of the people here. I don't like food here. I don't like drinking water here. I don't like lectures here. I'm gobbled up by hypocrisy. I am allergy to that certain words spoken by certain being. I am irritated by dishonest attitudes. I am not good enough to love people like how Jesus loves. I am not good enough to forgive people like how Jesus does. I am not good enough to endure hypocrisy and make myself believe that nothing had happened. I am not mighty enough to treat people as good after much irritation. I am not patient enough to bear with the tortoise-speed internet connection. 

And I am not courageous enough to tell people who love me about all those complaints. I don't want to see them fretting for me from the land far away. I remembered a lecturer talked about this. You complain to your loved ones about how bad you are doing. You get better some time later. But the people who love you so much, they are worried when they learn that you are not doing good. From the other side of the world, they couldn't eat well sleep well because you said you are not doing good. So, bear with the unpleasant accounts just a little bit more. It is just the course of time. At least, you convince your loved ones you are doing well.

I was looking at the pictures my lovely brothers and sisters took in church family camp. All lovely smiles, all familiar faces. I dearly miss them, man! How I wish I were there, be a part in the camp. I miss my church, I miss my dear brothers sisters in Christ, I miss my shepherds, I miss my media team people, I miss my Sunday school kids! Aw. But I thank God I found my belonged home here in United States. I am attending Bethel Christian Life Center Assemblies of God on Sundays. I am attending Chi Alpha International Life Group on Thursdays. I am attending Ignite (Chi Alpha Gathering) on Fridays. Thank You, Lord for this blessed town, for these faithful servants of Yours glorifying Your Kingdom in daily basis. Thank You, Lord for You have the best plan in store for me! 

不要随便去恨一个人，那是对自己的折磨。我们实在没有必要为了一个微不足道的人来折磨自己。你在恨的同时，也磨去了自己心中原有的善良和仁慈，你会觉得所有人都对不起你，你会看不到很多美好的东西。用你自己的原本快乐的心态与精力去交换恨一个人的权力与快感，不值得！-摘自网络。

说的很有道理厚？但是做起来似乎又是另一种说法。该怎么爱一个不可爱的人？爱就对了！爱他够够力！人的爱是不完全的。唯有神的爱是信实的，是永不改变的。主啊，教我以基督的心为心，以神的爱对待世界。主啊，让我领受从你而来的爱。把这份爱传出去。主啊，教我饶恕人的罪，就如你饶恕了我的罪。教我在每一件事上都向你举目仰望，教我活得更像你！

爱不爱，不都要爱，人本来就不完美。爱不爱，不都要爱，我们是那么谦卑。-吴建豪，命定。

奈何

来美国刚好两个星期了。八月份也接近了尾声。话说马来西亚时间今天是国庆日。其实很想念马来西亚的说。

其实生活真的很烦。大事小事都要烦。原本呢，我以为我是个抗压性很高的生物。但是，种种的挑战真的让我觉得自己要窒息了。对不起，我真的控制不住了，心中澎湃的那一团压力在那一瞬爆发了。虽然说，道歉有用的话警察来干嘛呢。还是 sorry 咯。

主啊，我要每时每刻都仰望你。主啊，我要在每一个挑战中寻求你。主啊，我要在任何事情中让你居首位。主啊，我要在每件事上都让你掌权。主啊，我要在每一个困境中领取从你而来的力量。主啊，我要在每一个难处中领受你的恩膏。主啊，我要活得更像你！

其实，很想家呢。想家里的狗狗们，虽然我真的没有喜欢它们。想家里的爸爸，妈妈，弟弟，妹妹，外婆，婆婆。想家里的每一个每一个人。

很像我的她。

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. -Frederick Koenig. 

August.

八月是一个匆匆忙忙的月份。

八月是一个横跨国际的月份。

八月是一个喜怒哀乐的月份。

八月是一个人生转涙的月份。

八月是一个花朵绽放的月份。

八月的第一和第二个星期是人生旅途中很美丽的曾经。它是那么的真实，却又显得那么的虚无。它是那么的美好，美好的令人质疑它的真切感。家，是那个永远为你敞开的温暖怀抱。家人，就是那些永远都不会抛下你，永远都在第一时间送上关怀的灵魂。家，就是那个你可以毫不避讳的作你自己的港湾。家人，就是那些知道你被欺负了为你哭为你出头的天使。在家里的两个星期是丰盛的，是充足的。每一件的大事小事，它们都包含了最美丽的细节，最纯真的感情。

谢谢，一切的曾经的美好。

虽然，曾经的我真的很向往到国外留学。但在最后的那一刻，我却犹豫了。我害怕了。我退缩了。带着百般不舍，挥别了家人，朋友。我知道前面的路不会是容易的。我难过，我伤心。但是，还是一而再再而三的跟自己说，要坚强。因为我真的不想让我爱的人和爱我的人担心。朋友们的祝福我收到了。真正的朋友，就是知道你真正所需要的，而为着这些需要一起的向上帝祈求的属灵伙伴。真正的朋友，就是就算许久未联络，却还是能毫不尴尬的谈天说地的伴儿。真正的朋友，就是默默地在背后祝福你，伤心时听你述说，开心时跟你一起欢乐的人儿。

谢谢，所有的美好，所有的祝福。

只是，人生完美的事太少，我们不能什么都想要？人总不能一直活在安逸中。而当你选择飞出那熟悉温暖的巢，你应该是清楚的明白那将是旅途的另一个转折点。一切将都不再一样。马来西亚和美国之间的距离到底有多远？我知道它们距离非常非常的远。大约三十个小时的飞航，套一句Chris的话，起飞，转机，起飞，转机，起飞，再转机。这是飞往美国的机程。对，这就是从马来西亚飞往美国的机程。

美国，很美。美国，很大。我现在位于美国的Indiana州，一个叫做West Lafayette的小镇。我很好，只是偶尔的很想家，偶尔的很想念以前的我们。偶尔当然也会有不好的时候。跟Howard同意了一个看法，好的事情，不好的事情都会接踵而来。守得云开见天明！所有的事情都会慢慢变好的。

想念是会呼吸的痛。原来是真的。想念是一种揪心的痛。它是那种痛到心坎里的痛。它是那种让你的心哽咽的刺痛。因为一切都不再一样，因为一切都不再是你所熟悉的曾经，你就开始想念曾经的点滴。你就豁然发现煲电话粥变成了最好的消遣。感谢科技的发达，让时空的距离变为虚无，让两颗心紧紧相依。每一次的通话都让我更好过一点。Jerald说，时间会让一切变好。Grace说，不要做比较，带着乐观的心态面对一切，这样会让大家都好过一点。“哪像我们都老夫老妻了嘛！” 我很想你呢！想你煮东西给我吃。想你在我伤心时紧紧抱着我。想你洪亮的歌声。想你独有的笑声。想念我们的每一分每一秒。别再奈何吧。我们都要过的很好！

其实，人与人之间的关系，在乎的就是一颗真诚的心。虚伪真的是一个很丑陋的面具。我和Grace同意了一个看法，小地方来的人都比较真诚。我们真的没有这个必要去陷害别人。我们真的没有这个欲望去穿上虚假的外套。将心比心，真的有那么难吗？在同时间，这些秉持着一颗真心待人的人们啊，就往往特别容易受伤害。因为他们不晓得真诚可以如此泛滥的被践踏，可以如此廉价的被摧毁。现实就是这样悄悄地告诉你，真诚能当饭吃吗？或许你的生长环境迫使你成了不再真诚。也许你就是这么的被教育成长。但至少我一直以来都被教导以一颗真诚，诚恳的心待人待事。至少我知道就算真诚不能当饭吃，它仍然是一颗心和一颗心之间的重要桥梁，它仍然存在这慢慢被吞噬的现实生活里。

我很开心因为努力生活，和你分享荣耀的每一秒钟。

如果难过你肩膀最辽阔，你帮我带走乌云满布的天空。

如果生活少了有你陪我，我整天开手机也感到失落。

因为我们都最想看到彼此灿烂的笑容。

-郁可唯&林凡, 听你说.

我有你真好。

你能让烦恼变得渺小。

我遇见一个最懂我的人。

我会提醒自己把这份爱收好。

我有你真好。

只要牵着你的手就知道。

我不是一个人在这世界停靠。

因为我拥有你在我心里。

-范玮琪&杨丞琳, 有你真好.

主的爱永远都是那么信实。神永远都为他的子民预备了最好的计划。每一个你所走的道路都拥有神最美好的旨意在里头。但神从来都没有应许我们所走的路会一帆风顺。每一个旅途都有它自己的挑战，困难。前面的路将会越来越崎岖。走至旅途的今时今日，神要的是我们为着逝去的昨天感恩，向着明天遥望，勇敢的一步一脚印走下去。神要的是我们单单的仰望他，他就必把我们所需的都赐给我们。神要的是我们今天，明天，每天每天都注视他，相信他。神说，你要专心仰赖耶和华，不可依靠自己的聪明。-箴言3：5。

You will know that I am the LORD, 

those who hope in me will not be disappointed.

-Isaiah 49:23.

除了家人，我最想念的人 是你。

那一句是真的。

明天会更好

一直告诉自己要勇敢，要坚强。从马来西亚起飞，一直到美国的漫长旅途，我真的忍住了泪水，我真的没有哭。就算在旅途中因为身体不适而在飞机上吐得乱七八糟，我也熬过来了。只是没想到坚强还是败给了所谓的人与人之间那廉价的沟通与性格不合。生气，委屈，各样的种种一直的被压抑着。一直到妈咪打电话来，我真的不能自己的崩溃了。在电话的这一头哭得用完了近两包的面纸。在电话的另一头传来哽咽的叮咛。对不起，我真的不想让你们担心，但是我还是失败了。

纯粹的随笔写写，这样我会好过一点。

常常喜乐，常常祷告，常常感恩，无论环境如何。

明天会更好！=）

Julyyy.

 

Time brings all things to pass. -Aeschylus. 

But it bears memory. Which you instill and store within you eternally.

But it bears bond.  Which you treasure and hold with you firmly.

July had been a very happening month. All those heartfelt moments, all those beautiful trips, all those little details, all those lovely people, they painted the wall of July pretty.

Home sweet home at the end of June, upon graduating from Intec. Home is always good with that kind of homie-feel. It always does. It looked like Sibu has been a famous tourism spot lately. This lovely place which had fed me for the past twenty years. Visiting places I'm familiar of, eating food I'm attached to. That kind of heartfelt moving sensation running through the nerves. And the company of lovely people who I am so reluctant to let go. 

Of their trips.

You tend to treasure at the end of time. Intuitively, everyone does. I paid visits to many different places and people within this very particular month. To, a portion of it, settle some forced deals; and of course, another much more big portion of it, to meet people I love, to catch up with people I care, to really cherish what I still have now. 

Flying back and forth between east and west for several times. Visiting places ranging from Nilai, down to Putrajaya, KL, PJ, Subang, Shah Alam, Klang, and crossing state border to Johore. With all kind of miscellaneous feeling, emotion. Just in case I might miss these somehow familiar places. Say, Shah Alam. Say, Sunway Pyramid. So much memory etched. So much footprints left. Two years were just significant enough for reminiscing.

Of my trips.

Much appreciation to many people throughout the many trips. Thank Ang for Klang trip. Bah Kut Teh was awesome, just as always. Thank Polycarp and Xavier for helping to move the many things of mine. Thank Auntie for Nilai stay. Thank JPA for Putrajaya visit. Thank Li Yen for the fulfilling steamboat feast. Thank ECA for the warmth, thank brothers and sisters for the welcoming love. Thank Khen and Miu for PJ stay. Thank Leonard for the succulent durian feast. And thank you for driving all the way down to Johore. Thank Yayi for the very meaningful brunch. Thank Bobby for Batu Pahat visit. Thank Yap for Johor Bahru tour. Thank Grace for going all the way from Chaah to JB, just to meet me up. Love you! Thank Andrew for the company, thank you for every this and that. Thank God for the abundant grace and blessing.

Of heartfelt gratitude.

Life is beautiful because of the unseen tomorrow. You live to look forward to every next second. Because you don't know what will happen next. But God knows it best and He has the best in store for you. My sister and I met a relative of ours, and a little bit of unbelievably found out that he will be studying in the same college as my sister. The beautiful coincidence. Had good time with them younger people anyway.

I stayed at my sister's apartment for a week or so. And know what. I met an old classmate staying exactly the same unit of apartment as my sister. Amazing huh. On my flight back to Sibu, I met another old classmate sitting just next to me on the plane. The other day I was settling my medical check-up at the hospital. And I bumped into yet another old friend of mine. Good time catching up with this childhood mate and really thanks a lot for guiding me the process of the check-up. Another day, I came to bump into a high school's closed friend at one of the shopping malls. Is Sibu really that small? Nonetheless, I had a really good time catching up with these long lost mates.

Of beautiful coincidences.


We had this neighborhood-association-dinner the other day. Instead of sitting with my family, I was assigned to be seated with some students who were receiving incentives. On behalf of my sister, I apparently turned to be one of those students. Sitting along with a friend who I have come to know since kindergarten, I came to an abrupt cognition of the cruelty of time. How time flew. Once we're still the little kids in the kindergarten and we're soon departing ways to different part of the world.

You could literally do nothing but bound to the fact of reality. Life goes on. You could as well stand up, look further and catch up with the pace of the path. 

I was leading a group of juniors hanging around the other day. Basically they are my sister and her friends who I am also intimate with. Seeing them meeting each other up despite all odds, clicking with each other, talking on respective lives, I see myself two years back then. It's the intimacy between them that inspired me. How much friends mean? They mean a lot. In my life. 

Friend is the one who you can lean on when you need a shoulder. Friend is the person who you would treasure of. Friend is the person who you feel secured with his/her presence in your life. Friend is the quiet angel in your life.

Of details that lie inside.


Emo fever had been spreading every now and then, I think. Especially at this period we called, the departing season. Because everyone has been everyone else's hardest goodbye. Because everyone is reluctant to let go of everyone else. Because everyone is in denial of the reality of farewell.

Sending people on and off, seeing people come and go, I think I had come to adapt to the fact that every hi comes with bye. We have been each other's favorite hi and hardest bye. The joy we had, the fun we had, the season we had in the sun. That is what really matter. 

So take care and all the best, friends! May the good Lord bless each and everyone of you in your journey ahead. May His grace and peace fall on you richly and that you may soar high and fly high to reach for the stars high above! And that you may lead a beautiful life and have the best out of you always. God bless you! 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31.