奈何

来美国刚好两个星期了。八月份也接近了尾声。话说马来西亚时间今天是国庆日。其实很想念马来西亚的说。

其实生活真的很烦。大事小事都要烦。原本呢，我以为我是个抗压性很高的生物。但是，种种的挑战真的让我觉得自己要窒息了。对不起，我真的控制不住了，心中澎湃的那一团压力在那一瞬爆发了。虽然说，道歉有用的话警察来干嘛呢。还是 sorry 咯。

主啊，我要每时每刻都仰望你。主啊，我要在每一个挑战中寻求你。主啊，我要在任何事情中让你居首位。主啊，我要在每件事上都让你掌权。主啊，我要在每一个困境中领取从你而来的力量。主啊，我要在每一个难处中领受你的恩膏。主啊，我要活得更像你！

其实，很想家呢。想家里的狗狗们，虽然我真的没有喜欢它们。想家里的爸爸，妈妈，弟弟，妹妹，外婆，婆婆。想家里的每一个每一个人。

很像我的她。

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. -Frederick Koenig. 

August.

八月是一个匆匆忙忙的月份。

八月是一个横跨国际的月份。

八月是一个喜怒哀乐的月份。

八月是一个人生转涙的月份。

八月是一个花朵绽放的月份。

八月的第一和第二个星期是人生旅途中很美丽的曾经。它是那么的真实，却又显得那么的虚无。它是那么的美好，美好的令人质疑它的真切感。家，是那个永远为你敞开的温暖怀抱。家人，就是那些永远都不会抛下你，永远都在第一时间送上关怀的灵魂。家，就是那个你可以毫不避讳的作你自己的港湾。家人，就是那些知道你被欺负了为你哭为你出头的天使。在家里的两个星期是丰盛的，是充足的。每一件的大事小事，它们都包含了最美丽的细节，最纯真的感情。

谢谢，一切的曾经的美好。

虽然，曾经的我真的很向往到国外留学。但在最后的那一刻，我却犹豫了。我害怕了。我退缩了。带着百般不舍，挥别了家人，朋友。我知道前面的路不会是容易的。我难过，我伤心。但是，还是一而再再而三的跟自己说，要坚强。因为我真的不想让我爱的人和爱我的人担心。朋友们的祝福我收到了。真正的朋友，就是知道你真正所需要的，而为着这些需要一起的向上帝祈求的属灵伙伴。真正的朋友，就是就算许久未联络，却还是能毫不尴尬的谈天说地的伴儿。真正的朋友，就是默默地在背后祝福你，伤心时听你述说，开心时跟你一起欢乐的人儿。

谢谢，所有的美好，所有的祝福。

只是，人生完美的事太少，我们不能什么都想要？人总不能一直活在安逸中。而当你选择飞出那熟悉温暖的巢，你应该是清楚的明白那将是旅途的另一个转折点。一切将都不再一样。马来西亚和美国之间的距离到底有多远？我知道它们距离非常非常的远。大约三十个小时的飞航，套一句Chris的话，起飞，转机，起飞，转机，起飞，再转机。这是飞往美国的机程。对，这就是从马来西亚飞往美国的机程。

美国，很美。美国，很大。我现在位于美国的Indiana州，一个叫做West Lafayette的小镇。我很好，只是偶尔的很想家，偶尔的很想念以前的我们。偶尔当然也会有不好的时候。跟Howard同意了一个看法，好的事情，不好的事情都会接踵而来。守得云开见天明！所有的事情都会慢慢变好的。

想念是会呼吸的痛。原来是真的。想念是一种揪心的痛。它是那种痛到心坎里的痛。它是那种让你的心哽咽的刺痛。因为一切都不再一样，因为一切都不再是你所熟悉的曾经，你就开始想念曾经的点滴。你就豁然发现煲电话粥变成了最好的消遣。感谢科技的发达，让时空的距离变为虚无，让两颗心紧紧相依。每一次的通话都让我更好过一点。Jerald说，时间会让一切变好。Grace说，不要做比较，带着乐观的心态面对一切，这样会让大家都好过一点。“哪像我们都老夫老妻了嘛！” 我很想你呢！想你煮东西给我吃。想你在我伤心时紧紧抱着我。想你洪亮的歌声。想你独有的笑声。想念我们的每一分每一秒。别再奈何吧。我们都要过的很好！

其实，人与人之间的关系，在乎的就是一颗真诚的心。虚伪真的是一个很丑陋的面具。我和Grace同意了一个看法，小地方来的人都比较真诚。我们真的没有这个必要去陷害别人。我们真的没有这个欲望去穿上虚假的外套。将心比心，真的有那么难吗？在同时间，这些秉持着一颗真心待人的人们啊，就往往特别容易受伤害。因为他们不晓得真诚可以如此泛滥的被践踏，可以如此廉价的被摧毁。现实就是这样悄悄地告诉你，真诚能当饭吃吗？或许你的生长环境迫使你成了不再真诚。也许你就是这么的被教育成长。但至少我一直以来都被教导以一颗真诚，诚恳的心待人待事。至少我知道就算真诚不能当饭吃，它仍然是一颗心和一颗心之间的重要桥梁，它仍然存在这慢慢被吞噬的现实生活里。

我很开心因为努力生活，和你分享荣耀的每一秒钟。

如果难过你肩膀最辽阔，你帮我带走乌云满布的天空。

如果生活少了有你陪我，我整天开手机也感到失落。

因为我们都最想看到彼此灿烂的笑容。

-郁可唯&林凡, 听你说.

我有你真好。

你能让烦恼变得渺小。

我遇见一个最懂我的人。

我会提醒自己把这份爱收好。

我有你真好。

只要牵着你的手就知道。

我不是一个人在这世界停靠。

因为我拥有你在我心里。

-范玮琪&杨丞琳, 有你真好.

主的爱永远都是那么信实。神永远都为他的子民预备了最好的计划。每一个你所走的道路都拥有神最美好的旨意在里头。但神从来都没有应许我们所走的路会一帆风顺。每一个旅途都有它自己的挑战，困难。前面的路将会越来越崎岖。走至旅途的今时今日，神要的是我们为着逝去的昨天感恩，向着明天遥望，勇敢的一步一脚印走下去。神要的是我们单单的仰望他，他就必把我们所需的都赐给我们。神要的是我们今天，明天，每天每天都注视他，相信他。神说，你要专心仰赖耶和华，不可依靠自己的聪明。-箴言3：5。

You will know that I am the LORD, 

those who hope in me will not be disappointed.

-Isaiah 49:23.

除了家人，我最想念的人 是你。

那一句是真的。

明天会更好

一直告诉自己要勇敢，要坚强。从马来西亚起飞，一直到美国的漫长旅途，我真的忍住了泪水，我真的没有哭。就算在旅途中因为身体不适而在飞机上吐得乱七八糟，我也熬过来了。只是没想到坚强还是败给了所谓的人与人之间那廉价的沟通与性格不合。生气，委屈，各样的种种一直的被压抑着。一直到妈咪打电话来，我真的不能自己的崩溃了。在电话的这一头哭得用完了近两包的面纸。在电话的另一头传来哽咽的叮咛。对不起，我真的不想让你们担心，但是我还是失败了。

纯粹的随笔写写，这样我会好过一点。

常常喜乐，常常祷告，常常感恩，无论环境如何。

明天会更好！=）

Julyyy.

 

Time brings all things to pass. -Aeschylus. 

But it bears memory. Which you instill and store within you eternally.

But it bears bond.  Which you treasure and hold with you firmly.

July had been a very happening month. All those heartfelt moments, all those beautiful trips, all those little details, all those lovely people, they painted the wall of July pretty.

Home sweet home at the end of June, upon graduating from Intec. Home is always good with that kind of homie-feel. It always does. It looked like Sibu has been a famous tourism spot lately. This lovely place which had fed me for the past twenty years. Visiting places I'm familiar of, eating food I'm attached to. That kind of heartfelt moving sensation running through the nerves. And the company of lovely people who I am so reluctant to let go. 

Of their trips.

You tend to treasure at the end of time. Intuitively, everyone does. I paid visits to many different places and people within this very particular month. To, a portion of it, settle some forced deals; and of course, another much more big portion of it, to meet people I love, to catch up with people I care, to really cherish what I still have now. 

Flying back and forth between east and west for several times. Visiting places ranging from Nilai, down to Putrajaya, KL, PJ, Subang, Shah Alam, Klang, and crossing state border to Johore. With all kind of miscellaneous feeling, emotion. Just in case I might miss these somehow familiar places. Say, Shah Alam. Say, Sunway Pyramid. So much memory etched. So much footprints left. Two years were just significant enough for reminiscing.

Of my trips.

Much appreciation to many people throughout the many trips. Thank Ang for Klang trip. Bah Kut Teh was awesome, just as always. Thank Polycarp and Xavier for helping to move the many things of mine. Thank Auntie for Nilai stay. Thank JPA for Putrajaya visit. Thank Li Yen for the fulfilling steamboat feast. Thank ECA for the warmth, thank brothers and sisters for the welcoming love. Thank Khen and Miu for PJ stay. Thank Leonard for the succulent durian feast. And thank you for driving all the way down to Johore. Thank Yayi for the very meaningful brunch. Thank Bobby for Batu Pahat visit. Thank Yap for Johor Bahru tour. Thank Grace for going all the way from Chaah to JB, just to meet me up. Love you! Thank Andrew for the company, thank you for every this and that. Thank God for the abundant grace and blessing.

Of heartfelt gratitude.

Life is beautiful because of the unseen tomorrow. You live to look forward to every next second. Because you don't know what will happen next. But God knows it best and He has the best in store for you. My sister and I met a relative of ours, and a little bit of unbelievably found out that he will be studying in the same college as my sister. The beautiful coincidence. Had good time with them younger people anyway.

I stayed at my sister's apartment for a week or so. And know what. I met an old classmate staying exactly the same unit of apartment as my sister. Amazing huh. On my flight back to Sibu, I met another old classmate sitting just next to me on the plane. The other day I was settling my medical check-up at the hospital. And I bumped into yet another old friend of mine. Good time catching up with this childhood mate and really thanks a lot for guiding me the process of the check-up. Another day, I came to bump into a high school's closed friend at one of the shopping malls. Is Sibu really that small? Nonetheless, I had a really good time catching up with these long lost mates.

Of beautiful coincidences.


We had this neighborhood-association-dinner the other day. Instead of sitting with my family, I was assigned to be seated with some students who were receiving incentives. On behalf of my sister, I apparently turned to be one of those students. Sitting along with a friend who I have come to know since kindergarten, I came to an abrupt cognition of the cruelty of time. How time flew. Once we're still the little kids in the kindergarten and we're soon departing ways to different part of the world.

You could literally do nothing but bound to the fact of reality. Life goes on. You could as well stand up, look further and catch up with the pace of the path. 

I was leading a group of juniors hanging around the other day. Basically they are my sister and her friends who I am also intimate with. Seeing them meeting each other up despite all odds, clicking with each other, talking on respective lives, I see myself two years back then. It's the intimacy between them that inspired me. How much friends mean? They mean a lot. In my life. 

Friend is the one who you can lean on when you need a shoulder. Friend is the person who you would treasure of. Friend is the person who you feel secured with his/her presence in your life. Friend is the quiet angel in your life.

Of details that lie inside.


Emo fever had been spreading every now and then, I think. Especially at this period we called, the departing season. Because everyone has been everyone else's hardest goodbye. Because everyone is reluctant to let go of everyone else. Because everyone is in denial of the reality of farewell.

Sending people on and off, seeing people come and go, I think I had come to adapt to the fact that every hi comes with bye. We have been each other's favorite hi and hardest bye. The joy we had, the fun we had, the season we had in the sun. That is what really matter. 

So take care and all the best, friends! May the good Lord bless each and everyone of you in your journey ahead. May His grace and peace fall on you richly and that you may soar high and fly high to reach for the stars high above! And that you may lead a beautiful life and have the best out of you always. God bless you! 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31.