splash

So, this is the Independence day of Malaysia! Happy Independence Day, Malaysians!

Life had been very happening, or life sucks at a big portion. Big issue, the racism issue which had been heatedly said. Medium issue, the vague but somehow, obvious argument between certain people with another group of certain people. Small issue, the personal conflict with certain kinds of sarcasms. 

Had been very bad lately, honest speaking. Somehow, been rebellious. I don't know why, though. Nah, I skipped class, without any proper reason. Just didn't want to go, and that's so! Didn't want to talk to the certain people, and that explains the appearing offline at Facebook, MSN, Skype. I just don't want to talk with you, don't want to reply the comments! Don't want, because you are freakishly frustrating me! Everything you do is frustrating, disgusting! You see, I really feel the bad-self. Didn't want to study, with the fact that the mid-term is approaching, in a real soon.

Why, the heart still minds, when the mouth says never mind? This is seriously, bitchy! Why are you haunting me all of the whiles! You said you understand the pain, yet, you torture on the bruise, like never before. You think you're so good? May be, you are, under your layers of masks! Again and again, the bruise won't get healed, but get worse and worst, because of your again-and-again-torturing! Hypocrite! I hate you bitch! 

Don't ever brag like there's no tomorrow, with the properties or possessions which are not even belonged to you! Ewwww. Life sucks, at this moment! Everything just seems to be so shit. Damn it damn it damn it! And why the weather is so bloody warm! Freaking hell! Don't you, the weather also come and bother me at this very instant! Eeeeeeeee!

Why am I the one who shall bear all the pain and tear, while you grab all the comfort and joy!? You know, I really hate you from deep inside at this moment. You don't deserve to say you know, you understand! If you want it, what for, at the first place, you said you didn't want, you didn't feel interested? Why! You, tell me why!! 

I remembered telling a friend that I sleep when I'm not in a good mood. You know, I had been sleeping really much these days! Too much that I scared I may die of sleep. It's because of you!! Please, stop bragging, stop haunting me! Stop all of your childish acts! Stop wearing masks on your ugly face! 

Hatred. Hatred. Hatred. Hatred. Hatred.

I don't want to be bad. Please. Chill me. 

I'll be fine, soon.

Are you okay?

Are you okay? This line means a lot, if you know.

Life is so much unpredictable. Things turned out to be the way they shan't be. Who's right? Who's wrong? Human beings are imperfect, after all. There are too many blaming fingers, here and there. Be yourselves. Friend, you have my vote with you! It's just difficult to please each and everyone. And in fact, it's impossible for us to please everyone, but of the utmost, we do things to please God! So, go ahead, doing things, following the right paths, following God's will, instead of people's wills. Cheers!

Malacca-a-day-trip turned out to be not as exciting as expected. And that's why, life is so much unpredictable, no? Perhaps the second time being there was not more tempting? A part of the reasons, yes it was. Deep inside, I know there's another part lying. I hate myself for the skepticism. Overall, the trip was still kind of good. Thank God for a safe journey. The deepest gratitude to all of the committee members as well. You guys are awesome. You did a great job!

Adventurous treasure hunt in Sunway Pyramid turned out to be way too much amazing than the expectancy. And that's why, again, life is unpredictable. It was fun! It was a very similar game as what we did last time, at my church back at hometown. And it brought back all the bits of memory. Thank God for a great carenet! Thanks a million to those who came and joined the event. Thank you to the dedicated organizers. Thank you to my group's members! I really had fun working with you guys!

Life is way too much unpredictable that when I thought I was dead exhausted and should have gone into slumber land, but then the scene turned out to be a round of downpour, of the so-called, tear. You see, the theory of gravity is so right. Tear dropped downwards, even when I was lying. It just couldn't keep itself in the eyes. At an instant, I was so hating myself. Why it just couldn't be pulled through? I was tired of all pretenses. I'm really not as tough and brave. I mind, when I said I don't mind.

什么时候 坚强不再是种伪装？

it stings

Title says it all. It stings, freakishly, exaggeratedly.

Tear dropped when water came in contact with the bruise. It's chillingly painful.

:'(

恙

最近，该怎么形容呢？烦，又不全然是。好，又似乎相差好远。生活就是蓄着太多的惊喜，好的，不好的，排山倒海。

狠狠的哭过，狠狠的笑过，然后一切回归那条生命水平线上。

哭过，所以知道笑的可贵。

笑过，所以知道生活不仅仅存着笑。

太多时候，廉价的泪水似抵不住地心吸力，就这么轻易的往下滑落。

发现，自己异常的极端。极端得，要嘛就跟你无话不说，要嘛就与你互不相干。是你伤害了我，又一笑而过，你还奢望我装着什么也没发生？

但是有些时候，还是在乔装。其实，好讨厌这样的自己。为什么要装着无所谓，却傻傻的躲在人群后哭泣。为什么还是那么的在乎，以为自己可以忍受一切的时候，却在转身而过的时候，眼泪决堤。

生活，太多的是是非非。

学长/姐与学弟/妹？有些时候，或每一个时候，可曾听过，无风不起浪？

人与人之间，太多的是非。太多的悲欢离合。

最近，与很多的朋友重逢，名义上，在这所谓的面子书上重逢。岁月不饶人，沧海桑田，时过境迁。哈哈，我在乱用成语。看到之前在教会的弟兄姐妹的一些结婚照，一些步入成为爸爸妈妈的，看到这些幸福的照片竟然有一种莫名的感动。

偶然，看到你的照片。竟有一种很莫名的紧张。那段时间拥有太多的回忆。这些回忆足以用一生慢慢回味。年少的我们拥有过这般的疯狂，这般的欢笑。不禁感慨，时间叔叔好残忍！

最近，常常有同样的荡漾。却是另外一个他。常常却觉得，你不应该被他取代。潜意识里一直在说服自己并不在乎他。直到某一天，为了这个他懊恼泪洒满脸，然后一个朋友说，你的眼泪出卖了你。或许？哭过，就好了。最后，决定，放开。放开多一点，伤害就少一点。决定，真的不要再为这件事让自己不开心。

生命中，感恩有这些不同类型的朋友。

这些何时都带来快乐的朋友。虽然，大多的时候，都在废话连篇。太过喧哗而被这所谓的宿舍管理员警告，一起战战兢兢的说对不起。

另外一些可以陪着一起哭的朋友。清楚的知道自己的习性，有些时候会怀疑，似乎比起自己你更加清楚的了解我。会因为一个眼神，知道我在想什么。

生命中，更加的感恩，有一位可以依赖的主！

他是信实的主。他永远都知道你在面对着什么。他永远都会在恰恰好的时候触摸你。感谢主，再一次的触摸我，那是真真实实的感受，真真切切的淋浴在那丰盛的慈爱中。那温柔的手轻轻的触摸着伤口，伤口就愈合。

在无数的黑夜里，我用星星画出你。

你的恩典如晨星，让我真实的见到你。
在我的歌声里，我用音符赞美你，你的美好是我今生颂扬的。
这一生最美的祝福，就是能认识主耶稣。

这一生最美的祝福，就是能信靠主耶稣。
走在高山深谷，他会伴我同行，我知道这是最美的祝福。

久违了的华文。轻轻淡淡的属于它的气息。

妈咪说，诗巫涨水了。哦！终究，因为它是诗巫。

顿时，想家了。

care but concern

Life is happening every now and then, with a lot of fun, a lot of sorrow, a lot of laughter, a lot of cry, a lot of everything. And this is what life meant to be.

Had a hair cut recently. Got back the short hair, got back the fringe as what mummy wants.

Life is getting hectic. Lab reports, quizzes, tests are approaching. And of the utmost, the application thingy. Ah, so it's the time now. Cliche, but indeed, time flew. I felt so scared of leaving when browsing through those photographs before departure. Wept like dumb ass, in the fact that those were none of my business, like, at all. Departure is always sad, I know, that I'm still trying hard of getting used to.

There was a book fair in INTEC today. And ouh! The books are so exaggeratedly cheap! Grabbed two great books which I was so happy of. Patricia Cornwell's The Front, and Audrey Niffenegger's Her Fearful Symmetry. Cool man cool! Both are amongst the favorite writers of mine. Wheeee. 

And owh, there was PC Fair some other days before. PC Fair in KL is cool, what I'd tell. Despite any odds, or of course, I went for it. And hah! My aim, EOS550D!! I want i want i want! Desperate. Bought a hard drive, anyway. 640G, for Rm239. Went for Salt on the same day, which I remembered clearly for we met Zaim at the cinema. Nah, this guy, is still so Zaim-ism. HAHA. Oh yay, Salt was great. Love it!

Lots of things went on in the classes too. Of Chemistry, when I forgot to wear closed-shoes for lab, and I kept calling peeps for a closed-shoes. Lol. Of Biology, when I and Jazz were so vain taking photographs and left Rachel to do the works. Nahh, we are cool scientists what. It's so funny when the other people asked for our group's result, Jazz and I answered, "ask Rachel!", like so naturally and confidently some-more. HAHAHA. And when doing the experiment for protists, we failed to see anything under the microscope and blamed the microscope. Lol. But yea, seriously I think I'm not a lab-person. Of Finite Maths then, the class which I really like the most. The class of 10 people, including the lecturer. Oh my God, is that even can be called a CLASS? Haha. You know what I mean.

I think I have too much outings these days. And I shall claim bankruptcy soon. Okay I'm exaggerating. But somehow, yea. Blame this culprit which is so-called, Mega Sales. But I'm so desperately loving it. HAHA.

And now this is the fasting month for Malays. We had this buka puasa-dinner with Mr. Kamal and the Spring's Bostonians. Awww. Love 'em, love these peeps like really really much! Yea, the catch-ups were good. The food was good, at least, my Spaghetti Carbonara. Heee. And we had the gossips about juniors. Owhh. By any means, I really didn't expect myself to cry for the night. But then failed. Uhh. Tears rolled when Aween hugged me and it rolled profusely when hugging with each and everyone of them. Awww. I'm gonna miss them much! Take care in the States guys! Enjoy and stay awesome as always!!  

The other day, we had this home-cooked meal at a brother's house. Wow. It's like so long since I last had a meal with the feel of home. Thanks a million to Alan!! The dishes were awesome! 

The other thing is, I'm editing the ECA TV for this particular month. A new experience. And had come to realize how things work. How things work out with all the other things in His Kingdom. 

Anyhow, I think I had been very sensitive for the past few days. And the thought was, PMS. Nah, it proves to be correct. Eeee. Somehow I do really feel bad about the stuff. Not that I'm complaining, in fact I'm complaining? Haih. This ain't easy. You never know until you experience it. So guys, please be considerate! 

Sometime, guys just won't know, girls' smiles or happiness they see are filled with overloaded sadness. They just won't see or notice about the other side of things. 

She doesn't care because she concerns way too much.

+

When she says she hates, that matters, like really much. Eeeeee. I hate hypocrites! You spoil my day! Please. Be too hypocritical that you think what a bullshit excuse you give is convincing? Ewwwww. Disgusting Frustrating Filthy you! 

The disobedient tears has been really disobedient. Cry the heart out. Shed the grievance off. 

And I shall forgive you. And love you as how I love myself. 

Lord I need You. 

I've no idea of why the title comes up to be + though. Whatever.

July in a whole

Wow unbelievably it's August already!

Time flew. It really flew that as if a month had passed in a glimpse.

Classes and lessons began. Things are getting packed. Life is getting hectic.

InPRO was done. ADFP/ACTP dominates no more. And yea, we lost. But what, we had fun! That's what matters no? Kudos to all of the paraders! We did our best! 

Life is fun. And it's miserable in certain sense. People out there, please behave as ones who you shall be okay? Don't be so exaggerated! Gosh, it's damn frustrating!! Are you that desperate? Ewww!

And please, spell the word R-E-S-P-E-C-T!! Everyone has dignity! She may not voice out the dissatisfaction, for she doesn't wish anyone to know that she'd been hurt, but please, don't scratch on the scar, or even, spread salts on the unhealed scar, again and again. 

Intentional, or unintentional bias or favor is very hurting. Indeed. You thought you'd been doing so much, but then in the end, people still ignore, and the bias still doesn't go to you. And what if the favor goes to someone you love, or you care? It's sort of, difficult for ignoring and acting as if nothing has happened.

Urgh. 

Had been kind of emo.

Great things still go around, despite of those frustrating stuff. They are yet to come, lots more of them! 

Belle my dearest house-mate came back! Owhh. Love ya babe!! And met Aween too, when she came for InPRO the other day! Awww. Love y'all.!!! These peeps are so lovable. I'm sure missing you so much after this. Aww.

Serving in Sunday's school was a very different and fresh experience. Kids are so lovely. Kids are so true, or pure. I was still kind of scared, for I was not really fond in dealing with kids. But then, it turned out to be fine. A very different kind of blessing within it. 

Loads more things to be scribbled. Nahh. I shall really keep track with my blog.

This much for now. Class is starting soon.

Catch up later.