相片温热，泪水透彻。

似乎已经忘了怎么笑。为什么连我最珍贵的笑容都要抢走。现在我真的什么都没有了。好久好久没有哭得这么伤心。哭得就要窒息了。没有人可以紧紧的抱我一下。没有一个肩膀可以让我靠一下。惟有抱着枕头躲在被窝里让悲伤泛滥。因为不哭出来会得内伤。

我好想回家。我以为我可以忍住这个思乡之情。没想到才不到三个月的时间我就开始这么这么的想回家了。怎么办。我不想读书。不想考试。不想一个人生活。不想要哭的时候装着笑。不想谎言堆砌的环绕。几米的话真的说到心坎里。

病了，一个人扛；烦了，一个人藏；痛了，一个人挡；街上，一个人逛；路上，一个人想；晚上，一个人的床。慢慢的习惯了一个人的生活，变得沉默，变得冷落，没了想理，不想说，不想看。我不是高傲，也不是胡闹，只是厌倦了那些随时可能失去的依靠。--几米。

放弃，好吗？一个人告诉我，当你想要放弃的那一瞬间，想想你一直坚持到今天的理由。听到这句话有种莫名的感动。是啊。再怎么难过，还是要过。既然怎么样都要继续的走下去，何不选择让自己好过一点的方式过。我们不能选择别人要怎么对待我们，我们不能选择生活要怎么欺压我们，但是我们可以选择怎么对自己好。

勉励自己的一句话：

Here in this power of Christ, I'll stand. --Chris Tomlin, In Christ Alone.

I am who I am.

小猪很天真很自然的豪不做作的做自己。海绵宝宝却有着好多的猜不透在它炯炯的眼神背后。生命中到底有几个小猪可以守候在身旁，值得你掏心掏肺也不怕被伤害。生活真的太现实了。每个人都带着海绵宝宝的顾虑，海绵宝宝虚伪可怕的笑容。狠狠的刺伤你再对你虚假的笑笑。

小猪不是真的那么笨。小猪什么都知道。小猪只是不想把事情摊得那么白来讲。小猪真的受伤了。小猪的心真的好痛好痛。小猪的眼泪只能往肚子里吞。小猪不知道还有哪一个小猪是她可以相信的。小猪已近分不清真诚和虚假了。小猪也终于明白了真心换来绝情的痛是那么撕裂的疼。可以有谁来紧紧的抱一抱小猪吗？小猪真的怕她就要压抑不住了。小猪真的怕她随时就要崩溃了。

* * * * *

不经意的抬起头仰望天空，想起我们一起看星星的那个夜晚。突然好想你。想你给予的那一种安心。我现在需要的就是那种安心，我不想每天提心吊胆的过日子。

天气渐渐转凉了。冷风瑟瑟，细雨绵绵，那颗炙热的心也随着人生的无奈渐渐冷淡了。因为没人告诉她该怎么办。没人告诉她生活不是尽顺人意。没人告诉她成长要付出那么痛的代价。谁让生活就是那么现实呢？

我还是原本的那个我。我还是那个一天至少要睡十小时的我。我还是那个到了最后一秒才知道有考试仍然悠悠读书的我。我还是那个到了最后一分钟才知道该交的功课还没做的我。我还是那个常常不去上课的我。我还是那个什么都搞不清楚状况的我。我还是那个爱吃的我。我还是那个爱看戏的我。我还是那个房间好乱的我。我还是那个爱听歌的我。我还是那个爱哭的我。我还是那个爱神的我。我还是那个爱想念家人朋友的我。我还是那个听着别人的纠结自己先伤心痛哭的我。我还是花好多时间上网的那个我。我还是那个需要用至少半小时冲凉的我。

我还是那个我！但你还是那个你吗？

* * * * *

留了半年多的头发。

继续的往地心吸力发展吧！

笑着哭　最痛

笑着笑　最美

一宿虽然有哭泣，早晨便必欢呼！－诗篇３０：５。

skyscraper

Reality kicks in and says things otherwise. A lot of time. You see, sometime you think he/she is this person you come to really indulge, get along with. Because you could say it out loudly, patting on your flesh and heart that you deal things or treat this one being with whole lot of sincerity and honesty. But this saying goes, God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you are meant to be. He/She hurts you, incorporating with betrayal, dishonesty. Such apparent dishonesty he/she thought you are dumb enough to not acknowledge it. You know. You don't want to point it out. For the good sake of this breakable knit. At least, you know you did your parts. You relentlessly work out the needs. Selflessly. Righteously. Sincerely. Honestly.

Life ain't easy. So much a pain you can't wander off. So much tough rocks lying on a smooth path and what you do is to take up these rocks before you can lead and step on a really smooth road. But rocks might hurt many a time. They really hurt. They hurt so much you say you don't want to continue picking up the rocks, you don't want to continue the path ahead, all you want is to turn back and hide in that cozy zone forever. That comfort zone with people who love you, support you, take care of you with a genuine sincerity, with an impeccable honesty. You miss these familiar people so much, you feel innocent so much and you start to walk on the road weeping like a mad as if the world has stopped rotating for you. But you soon figure out no, the world is not going to stop for you, just for you. Because everyone has their own life to lead, because everyone has their own problem to fret about. No one will always be reserved to listen to your tiny bits of unhappiness. You need to get rid of them by yourself. And from that, you start to grow. 

Yes. You can go ahead to take everything I have. You can go ahead to break everything I am. Like I am made of glass. Like I am made of paper. You can go ahead tearing me down. But mind you, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper!

Hypocrisy is a big no no. You just did it.

Other than that, all is well.

People said, angry is taking others' fault to make ourselves suffer. True. Very true. But this thing called emotion says it otherwise. I really don't like you. Never had in my life I dislike a person so much. So much that I don't anymore want to consider you as a friend. Because you literally don't deserve the term. No point to talk on this unhappiness. But please behave for your own good sake, for any sake it would be.

* * * * *

已经进入十月的第八天了。在普渡大学的第一个学期也已过刚好一半了。时间，我就快跟不上你的脚步了。秋假的第一天哪儿都没去，待在家把房间从头到尾整理了一番。睡觉睡到自然醒，吃饭看戏，洗衣服，属于自己的私人时间空间，感觉好久好久没有这样了，感觉真的很好。

开着Skype听着华宣的主日聚会。其实很想念。华宣十岁了。好想飞回家参加十周年的庆典活动。好想念大家同心合一的为着我们的家把每一个活动搞得轰动。好想念大家一起经历每一个大事小事为了把最好的献给神。每一次跟你们聊天都让我好欣慰。就像家人所给以的那一种安慰。每一句简单的话却是鼓励我继续往前走的肯定。

在美国还是没改了爱看电影的爱好。一个星期内就看了两部电影。一部是Dolphin Tale，一部是Lion King。两部都是值得看看的作品。海豚的传说讲的是一只尾巴受了伤的海豚的故事。改编自真实故事，其实真的是一部很棒的电影。狮子王的故事是纯粹的拥有好多童年味道的一部巨作。即使是在动物的世界也是存在着正邪两方，也是存在着阿谀我咋。但是不管怎样，到了最后邪还是不能胜正的。好多感慨感动欣慰快乐深深的悸动留在心坎的最深处。

前几个星期参加了类似这个地方文化节的活动。真是大开眼界。很好很难忘的经验。吃了好多好棒的食物。看到好多穿着奇异服装的人。看到好多人把动物的毛发穿在身上。感觉是那么的真实，却又显得有点飘缈。平时只能在电视上看到的人事物，现在就这么真实的摆在眼前

其实生活就是有起有落的时候。其实生活不会是一帆风顺。其实生活就是充满着许许多多意想不到的事情发生。因为人生本来就是辛苦的。因为苦难能帮助我们成长。在那天抽血的过程中悟出了这个道理。

一直很害怕打针抽血。为了钱啊，就硬着头皮给针就这么的插进皮肤。原来也就只是那么一下子就过了。其实就只要跨过了那个根源的时间点，一切都会变好的。

其实原理很简单。当问题来时，你就把你的背转向它，不要一昧的埋头在问题里，就这样头也不回的往另一个方向走。在难过的事情，就跟自己说Hakuna Matata。没有烦恼，自由自在的生活态度。

Hakuna Matata! 好好享受来临秋天的洗礼。因为秋天是一整年当中最后一个且最美丽的笑容。

Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile. -William Cullen Bryant.