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May 31, 2011

tearful

今夜就让泪水尽情泛滥。看着你和他,廉价的泪肆无忌惮滚落。我也好讨厌这样的自己。我真的一点也不勇敢。什么都不能作,除了躲在背里哭。我害怕。我失望。我在乎。我伤心。面对已经变成一件需要很多勇气的事情。

*****

悄悄想起那么一个他。感觉是很奇玄的东西。那一夜。那个人。那种情。爱过所以知道不会再有另一个人能令我拥有你给的感动。暧昧总令人回味。但是跨过那个时间点后会是你和我都想要的吗?酷热的夏天引发许多的热情呵。

*****

偶然的想起许久没有联络的朋友们。跟朋友叙旧是一件最棒的事情,即使是透过科技的不真实。何等欣慰总会有这么一些人随时守候着,受了伤总会知道该往哪儿去疗伤。不能和别人说的秘密总是可以放心的通通倾诉。

*****

恰巧看到朋友在部落格写道人生的分分合合。感叹时间过得何其快。只剩下三个月时间就要飞美国了。偷偷的为了离别提前的掉落了无数的泪。我想家!听到电话里咪担心的语气,我又不小心的哭了。听到电话里爸简单的问候,我又窝心的酸了鼻子红了眼眶。

*****

偶然游走一个朋友的部落格,看到了述说对公公思念的一篇文章。我再也不能自己的把整个枕头给哭湿了。我想念我的公公。非常非常的想念。

*****

哭累了。泪干了。夜深了。

May 29, 2011

勇气

只要你也一样的肯定 -我愿意。

May 19, 2011

c

感谢科技的发达。一字一句的寒暄温暖就是那么真实的呈现。不需要华丽的排场。关心问候就是那么温暖的触动心弦。原来,常常见面并不与关系密切画上等号。反而,距离使我们的心更密切的靠近。安心的享受在电话的另一头传来的叮咛。感伤的在电话的这一头释放思念的情愁。感受的是真心诚恳,至少不会是尔虞我诈,至少不会是伤害背叛。

委屈的偷偷哭掉了几公升的泪。说不介意不在乎是骗人的。只是如果这是你想要的,那就这样吧。对你,真的很失望。因为当所秉持的理念和想法再也不一致的时候,一定要有某一方的默默妥协。只想要好好的沉淀,沉默,把所有情绪平面,悄悄的将自己隔离于诸多的是是非非。沉默,因为需要时间重拾对你的信心。沉默,因为为了不让眼泪往下流。沉默,因为它是伪装的最好方法。但是请你记得沉默,不代表能够容忍更多的更过分的伤害。

我只想要好好的睡一觉。

May 15, 2011

要笑 不要哭

面对讨厌的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,因为你在无视他,

面对你的敌人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,让他猜不透你,

面对比你强的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,让他轻视你,

面对比你弱的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,让他跟随你,

面对无理的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,让他无可奈何,

面对风度的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,显示你的风度,

面对你爱的人,对他微笑,笑得真诚,他会读懂你的心...


面对众人的不谅解时,保持微笑,因为你必需知道你并没有错,

面对不满的事情时,保持微笑,你没必要让别人的过错影响你,

面对欺骗的时候,保持微笑,这样你才能看见最精彩的结局,

面对无奈的时候,保持微笑,因为无奈不是你哭就能解决的...

如果有一天,你真的伤心了,你真的累了,真的想哭了,

学着微笑面对众人吧,没人能够理解你的眼泪的,

即使理解,也没人能够替你承受那样的痛苦...


如果有个人懂得你的人,让他看见你的眼泪,

如果你没有遇见那个人,自己躲着一个人哭吧,

伤心过了,哭过了,你应该学会如何笑得真挚,

微笑,不是让你带着一副假面具去面对人生,

你要学会的是,无论什么样的时候都能笑得真诚,

那一种发自内心的微笑,那一种与心情无关的微笑,

渐渐地,你会发现,

微笑真的只是一个表情,不能代表你的喜悦,

但这样的微笑却能够能让你明白,

真的没什么事情是值得你去发脾气的,

遇见开心的事,笑一笑,日子就这样过了,

遇见难过的事,笑一笑,其实也没多难过...


真正的微笑,并不是因为你开心,

而是因为你学会如何去不在乎了...

May 14, 2011

晚春 初夏

Days had been very stuffy. I guess that explains the little hiatus of update here at this site. The past weeks had been very packed. In an amazing way. In a good way. Let’s see.

The amazing journey kicked in with nothing better than the end of the finals. The papers weren’t that bad but they weren’t that good, either. It turned out, however, satisfying. The grades, I meant. Praise the Lord. I then walked on to the two important days in Christianity, namely Good Friday and Easter day. Good Friday’s service was basically great with seven leaders sharing the seven verses spoken by Jesus from the cross (the last words of Jesus) and leading an anointed prayer session. I was once again been reminded, been touched by the sacrificial love, the mightiness, the power of the death on the cross. I was once again been showered by the unfailing love and the unveiling comfort of Him, the Lord Jesus Christ. And the heart cried out, how wonderful is our God, how beautiful is our Lord. Thank You, Lord.

The next day, our oikos was up with an outing to waterfall at Hulu Langat. It was a lovely day fellowshipping, playing in water, sharing. And yes, waterfall is pretty! I would, if given a chance, definitely pay my visit to the place again! Thanks to the heavenly Father for blessing us, for providing us with all the good things. Thanks to the juniors who are willing to join us. Thanks to Howard for his car. Thanks to Akira for his camera. Thanks to Andrew for driving, especially through the nearly-two-hours-congestion. Thanks to everyone. Be blessed. And so, we finally made our way back to Shah Alam after almost two hours in the car. Dropping juniors, we went on sending Akira to KTM Station, and sending Bryan who just sprained his leg earlier that day to clinic. And so we have a temporary OKU friend.

It was Easter day then. It’s a day worth of celebration, because our God has resurrected from death, because our God has overcome death, because our God has risen and conquered the grave! Hallelujah. I’m impressed with a Sunday school’s kid singing “Here I am to worship” at the beginning of worship session. How beautiful is a kid’s voice singing praises to God. Many a time, we adults make ourselves too complicated to freely, purely praise the Lord. We lose the initial passion to yearn for God. Don’t we? It’s worth of pondering.

That particular evening, I visited Acts Church. Due to the convenience of going KL after that. Officially, our so called “The night’s still young” started. First stop, Jogoya. Thanks to Angelina for the treat. Truthfully, its food was not as good. The quality is seriously going down. Nevertheless, we had fun feasting, making jokes out of ourselves, and snapping photographs. Next stop, cinema. Watched a movie called “Limitless”. After that, it was basically the so called “syok sendiri” time where we had nothing better to do that we started to find signboards, posters, etc and we went taking pictures with us imitating the poses. Until the camera ran out of battery. In the end, we headed to a random McD’s outlet. To sleep. Got back to hostel at 6am. I did nothing but go straight to bed.

Waking up from sleep, I was reluctantly getting myself ready for BTN camp. So boarded on bus and headed to Klang. Alright, BTN wasn’t that bad. It was overall good, despite the deficiency of sleep, and the disconnection with the outside world, and some really stupid games played. So five days were gone and we were proudly graduated from BTN. Uh huh, the conclusion would be, I LOVE MALAYSIA! We are ONE MALAYSIA!

Came back from BTN, straight away I went for Apostolic Prophetic Conference in church. It was a great seminar with awesome speakers: Apostle Ron Sawka, Rev. Ong Sek Leang, and our very own senior pastor, Rev. Sitoh Veenah. All I could say is Apostle Ron Sawka is a much anointed servant of God. He leads powerful sermons. He easily builds up the anointing of Holy Spirit in people. And you know what, he remembers every single bible verses without referring to the bible. That conference basically focused more on the practical of AP where there were many apostolic prophetic actions. I am abundantly blessed throughout the seminar. Praise the Lord.

Following next, literally, ceaselessly, we’re involved in the new church renovation. Undeniably, it was tiring. But you see, God always works in such an amazing way to let us, or at least me experience Him, see from His sight. It’s the faith that we hold firm to, believing that God has His best plan in store for us. Because He is a promising God. Amen? It’s the unity of brothers and sisters moving towards the same vision which counts. It’s the fellowship among the members of Christ which matters. And we are yet to realize, all things do not just happened supernaturally. It’s God who reigns from heaven above. Appreciate, give thanks while we still can.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” –Romans 8:28.
We had a good launching service on Saturday evening. Praise Him.

Not forgetting also, I had eventually done with my passport after the very third visit to the department of immigration. Yes, thank You Lord.

It was Mother’s day. It was a Sunday. It was a very meaningful Sunday. It was even an amazing Sunday. It was the ordination of Ps. Law! Congratulations! And it was a moving service with Sunday school’s kids performing and Ps. Lim preaching. And it was an amazing day when I met up with Michelle, and together headed to Sharon’s place cluelessly, directionlessly. We missed Sharon’s birthday and so we’re out of random, thinking of giving her a surprise. We did surprise her. We did give her a blast. That matters. Because of this thing called FRIENDSHIP. Love you, babe. I’m looking forward to our next meeting.

I missed my mom a lot that night. We talked on phone for quite long. And many a time I hardly controlled my tear from rolling down. I missed home, listening to how the family members gathered and celebrated the lovely festive. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! To my mom, my two grandmas! Mother’s day present for my awesome mom this particular year is a simple yet thoughtful accessory, lipstick. Love you.

The past week had been ridiculously hot. The heat was overrated. I'm not exaggerating. Until yesterday, it finally rained. Oh praise the Lord! The temperature is coming back to normal. This week had been a blessed week. Starting off with my oikos shepherd treating us a movie and a good feast, and a match of pool or two. It's the fellowship that matters. And we had this distribution of flyers for the community service next week at Jinjang community. It was a blessed evening reaching out to the community there. I believe next Tuesday is going to be a great day servicing the community in Jinjang! And we had two lovely angels sending dessert all the way from Subang to Shah Alam to us to soothe the tension of scorching heat. Lord, bless your servants! And we had combined oikos with USJ oikos. Like, after so so long. It felt really good!  

So, it is summer sem now. I'm taking two subjects: Sociology and Experimental Biology. It's good thus far. Time is flying in a glimpse. Appreciate the last months in INTEC, people!

And it's 4:19am. Sleep tight. 
Til then.

May 11, 2011

Flatline


最近有一个愿望,就是把红蜻蜓这系列的书看完。看完这本“一封迟来的信”后,感触良多。那么的写实,那么的生活化。友情可以那么坚强,却也可以那么脆弱。我没有后悔说出很坚决的那一句不要。放不下也好,自私也好。却是真真正正的害怕。所以在承受不了之前转身离开。原来,俗语是真的。不要在任何一段感情里投注真心。赌注越大,胜算并不会跟着增多。伤害反而才是伴随着那一颗心的终结者。没有谁对谁错,那也并不重要。只是当一个信念不能认同另一个信念时,最后的胜利者并没有真正的赢得光彩,因为你根本不可能知道另外的那一方是怎么的悄悄促使整个故事的演变。忠诚。背叛。看似两个在不同极端的个体,它们其实只相差于那一线之间。很多事情,不说,因为说了亦于事无补。不说,并不代表真的什么都不懂。将所有平面化过后,重新的躲在一个角落审核,原来可以把事情看得如此清晰。所以,平面化未尝不是一件好事!

May 4, 2011

watch me burn

我没有睡不好没有睡不够 只是我并没有你们想象的大方勇敢 不要再说你懂 当你什么都不懂的时候 不要继续幼稚 那样一点都不可爱 不要继续伪装 那样只会让我更加讨厌你 假装什么都不在乎 只是每一次的刺痛却那么真实 什么都不要说 因为话语很容易伤害人 因为眼泪会不小心往下流 什么都已经不重要 只是那种傻傻的等待与在乎 原来是很私密的 不需要让任何一个人知道 知道自己在乎过就好 所谓的友谊万岁只是写在纪念册里的片面词句 都只是琅琅上口的歌词旋律 勇气和时间很重要 这个时候

想念 根本不需要理由 泪流 顺着地心吸力的原理 什么也不说 不想要爱我的人担心 只是 好好的把委屈通通都哭出来 能放心的哭一场 是再微笑的力量 #想家