splash

So, this is the Independence day of Malaysia! Happy Independence Day, Malaysians!

Life had been very happening, or life sucks at a big portion. Big issue, the racism issue which had been heatedly said. Medium issue, the vague but somehow, obvious argument between certain people with another group of certain people. Small issue, the personal conflict with certain kinds of sarcasms. 

Had been very bad lately, honest speaking. Somehow, been rebellious. I don't know why, though. Nah, I skipped class, without any proper reason. Just didn't want to go, and that's so! Didn't want to talk to the certain people, and that explains the appearing offline at Facebook, MSN, Skype. I just don't want to talk with you, don't want to reply the comments! Don't want, because you are freakishly frustrating me! Everything you do is frustrating, disgusting! You see, I really feel the bad-self. Didn't want to study, with the fact that the mid-term is approaching, in a real soon.

Why, the heart still minds, when the mouth says never mind? This is seriously, bitchy! Why are you haunting me all of the whiles! You said you understand the pain, yet, you torture on the bruise, like never before. You think you're so good? May be, you are, under your layers of masks! Again and again, the bruise won't get healed, but get worse and worst, because of your again-and-again-torturing! Hypocrite! I hate you bitch! 

Don't ever brag like there's no tomorrow, with the properties or possessions which are not even belonged to you! Ewwww. Life sucks, at this moment! Everything just seems to be so shit. Damn it damn it damn it! And why the weather is so bloody warm! Freaking hell! Don't you, the weather also come and bother me at this very instant! Eeeeeeeee!

Why am I the one who shall bear all the pain and tear, while you grab all the comfort and joy!? You know, I really hate you from deep inside at this moment. You don't deserve to say you know, you understand! If you want it, what for, at the first place, you said you didn't want, you didn't feel interested? Why! You, tell me why!! 

I remembered telling a friend that I sleep when I'm not in a good mood. You know, I had been sleeping really much these days! Too much that I scared I may die of sleep. It's because of you!! Please, stop bragging, stop haunting me! Stop all of your childish acts! Stop wearing masks on your ugly face! 

Hatred. Hatred. Hatred. Hatred. Hatred.

I don't want to be bad. Please. Chill me. 

I'll be fine, soon.

Are you okay?

Are you okay? This line means a lot, if you know.

Life is so much unpredictable. Things turned out to be the way they shan't be. Who's right? Who's wrong? Human beings are imperfect, after all. There are too many blaming fingers, here and there. Be yourselves. Friend, you have my vote with you! It's just difficult to please each and everyone. And in fact, it's impossible for us to please everyone, but of the utmost, we do things to please God! So, go ahead, doing things, following the right paths, following God's will, instead of people's wills. Cheers!

Malacca-a-day-trip turned out to be not as exciting as expected. And that's why, life is so much unpredictable, no? Perhaps the second time being there was not more tempting? A part of the reasons, yes it was. Deep inside, I know there's another part lying. I hate myself for the skepticism. Overall, the trip was still kind of good. Thank God for a safe journey. The deepest gratitude to all of the committee members as well. You guys are awesome. You did a great job!

Adventurous treasure hunt in Sunway Pyramid turned out to be way too much amazing than the expectancy. And that's why, again, life is unpredictable. It was fun! It was a very similar game as what we did last time, at my church back at hometown. And it brought back all the bits of memory. Thank God for a great carenet! Thanks a million to those who came and joined the event. Thank you to the dedicated organizers. Thank you to my group's members! I really had fun working with you guys!

Life is way too much unpredictable that when I thought I was dead exhausted and should have gone into slumber land, but then the scene turned out to be a round of downpour, of the so-called, tear. You see, the theory of gravity is so right. Tear dropped downwards, even when I was lying. It just couldn't keep itself in the eyes. At an instant, I was so hating myself. Why it just couldn't be pulled through? I was tired of all pretenses. I'm really not as tough and brave. I mind, when I said I don't mind.

什么时候 坚强不再是种伪装？

it stings

Title says it all. It stings, freakishly, exaggeratedly.

Tear dropped when water came in contact with the bruise. It's chillingly painful.

:'(

恙

最近，该怎么形容呢？烦，又不全然是。好，又似乎相差好远。生活就是蓄着太多的惊喜，好的，不好的，排山倒海。

狠狠的哭过，狠狠的笑过，然后一切回归那条生命水平线上。

哭过，所以知道笑的可贵。

笑过，所以知道生活不仅仅存着笑。

太多时候，廉价的泪水似抵不住地心吸力，就这么轻易的往下滑落。

发现，自己异常的极端。极端得，要嘛就跟你无话不说，要嘛就与你互不相干。是你伤害了我，又一笑而过，你还奢望我装着什么也没发生？

但是有些时候，还是在乔装。其实，好讨厌这样的自己。为什么要装着无所谓，却傻傻的躲在人群后哭泣。为什么还是那么的在乎，以为自己可以忍受一切的时候，却在转身而过的时候，眼泪决堤。

生活，太多的是是非非。

学长/姐与学弟/妹？有些时候，或每一个时候，可曾听过，无风不起浪？

人与人之间，太多的是非。太多的悲欢离合。

最近，与很多的朋友重逢，名义上，在这所谓的面子书上重逢。岁月不饶人，沧海桑田，时过境迁。哈哈，我在乱用成语。看到之前在教会的弟兄姐妹的一些结婚照，一些步入成为爸爸妈妈的，看到这些幸福的照片竟然有一种莫名的感动。

偶然，看到你的照片。竟有一种很莫名的紧张。那段时间拥有太多的回忆。这些回忆足以用一生慢慢回味。年少的我们拥有过这般的疯狂，这般的欢笑。不禁感慨，时间叔叔好残忍！

最近，常常有同样的荡漾。却是另外一个他。常常却觉得，你不应该被他取代。潜意识里一直在说服自己并不在乎他。直到某一天，为了这个他懊恼泪洒满脸，然后一个朋友说，你的眼泪出卖了你。或许？哭过，就好了。最后，决定，放开。放开多一点，伤害就少一点。决定，真的不要再为这件事让自己不开心。

生命中，感恩有这些不同类型的朋友。

这些何时都带来快乐的朋友。虽然，大多的时候，都在废话连篇。太过喧哗而被这所谓的宿舍管理员警告，一起战战兢兢的说对不起。

另外一些可以陪着一起哭的朋友。清楚的知道自己的习性，有些时候会怀疑，似乎比起自己你更加清楚的了解我。会因为一个眼神，知道我在想什么。

生命中，更加的感恩，有一位可以依赖的主！

他是信实的主。他永远都知道你在面对着什么。他永远都会在恰恰好的时候触摸你。感谢主，再一次的触摸我，那是真真实实的感受，真真切切的淋浴在那丰盛的慈爱中。那温柔的手轻轻的触摸着伤口，伤口就愈合。

在无数的黑夜里，我用星星画出你。

你的恩典如晨星，让我真实的见到你。
在我的歌声里，我用音符赞美你，你的美好是我今生颂扬的。
这一生最美的祝福，就是能认识主耶稣。

这一生最美的祝福，就是能信靠主耶稣。
走在高山深谷，他会伴我同行，我知道这是最美的祝福。

久违了的华文。轻轻淡淡的属于它的气息。

妈咪说，诗巫涨水了。哦！终究，因为它是诗巫。

顿时，想家了。

care but concern

Life is happening every now and then, with a lot of fun, a lot of sorrow, a lot of laughter, a lot of cry, a lot of everything. And this is what life meant to be.

Had a hair cut recently. Got back the short hair, got back the fringe as what mummy wants.

Life is getting hectic. Lab reports, quizzes, tests are approaching. And of the utmost, the application thingy. Ah, so it's the time now. Cliche, but indeed, time flew. I felt so scared of leaving when browsing through those photographs before departure. Wept like dumb ass, in the fact that those were none of my business, like, at all. Departure is always sad, I know, that I'm still trying hard of getting used to.

There was a book fair in INTEC today. And ouh! The books are so exaggeratedly cheap! Grabbed two great books which I was so happy of. Patricia Cornwell's The Front, and Audrey Niffenegger's Her Fearful Symmetry. Cool man cool! Both are amongst the favorite writers of mine. Wheeee. 

And owh, there was PC Fair some other days before. PC Fair in KL is cool, what I'd tell. Despite any odds, or of course, I went for it. And hah! My aim, EOS550D!! I want i want i want! Desperate. Bought a hard drive, anyway. 640G, for Rm239. Went for Salt on the same day, which I remembered clearly for we met Zaim at the cinema. Nah, this guy, is still so Zaim-ism. HAHA. Oh yay, Salt was great. Love it!

Lots of things went on in the classes too. Of Chemistry, when I forgot to wear closed-shoes for lab, and I kept calling peeps for a closed-shoes. Lol. Of Biology, when I and Jazz were so vain taking photographs and left Rachel to do the works. Nahh, we are cool scientists what. It's so funny when the other people asked for our group's result, Jazz and I answered, "ask Rachel!", like so naturally and confidently some-more. HAHAHA. And when doing the experiment for protists, we failed to see anything under the microscope and blamed the microscope. Lol. But yea, seriously I think I'm not a lab-person. Of Finite Maths then, the class which I really like the most. The class of 10 people, including the lecturer. Oh my God, is that even can be called a CLASS? Haha. You know what I mean.

I think I have too much outings these days. And I shall claim bankruptcy soon. Okay I'm exaggerating. But somehow, yea. Blame this culprit which is so-called, Mega Sales. But I'm so desperately loving it. HAHA.

And now this is the fasting month for Malays. We had this buka puasa-dinner with Mr. Kamal and the Spring's Bostonians. Awww. Love 'em, love these peeps like really really much! Yea, the catch-ups were good. The food was good, at least, my Spaghetti Carbonara. Heee. And we had the gossips about juniors. Owhh. By any means, I really didn't expect myself to cry for the night. But then failed. Uhh. Tears rolled when Aween hugged me and it rolled profusely when hugging with each and everyone of them. Awww. I'm gonna miss them much! Take care in the States guys! Enjoy and stay awesome as always!!  

The other day, we had this home-cooked meal at a brother's house. Wow. It's like so long since I last had a meal with the feel of home. Thanks a million to Alan!! The dishes were awesome! 

The other thing is, I'm editing the ECA TV for this particular month. A new experience. And had come to realize how things work. How things work out with all the other things in His Kingdom. 

Anyhow, I think I had been very sensitive for the past few days. And the thought was, PMS. Nah, it proves to be correct. Eeee. Somehow I do really feel bad about the stuff. Not that I'm complaining, in fact I'm complaining? Haih. This ain't easy. You never know until you experience it. So guys, please be considerate! 

Sometime, guys just won't know, girls' smiles or happiness they see are filled with overloaded sadness. They just won't see or notice about the other side of things. 

She doesn't care because she concerns way too much.

+

When she says she hates, that matters, like really much. Eeeeee. I hate hypocrites! You spoil my day! Please. Be too hypocritical that you think what a bullshit excuse you give is convincing? Ewwwww. Disgusting Frustrating Filthy you! 

The disobedient tears has been really disobedient. Cry the heart out. Shed the grievance off. 

And I shall forgive you. And love you as how I love myself. 

Lord I need You. 

I've no idea of why the title comes up to be + though. Whatever.

July in a whole

Wow unbelievably it's August already!

Time flew. It really flew that as if a month had passed in a glimpse.

Classes and lessons began. Things are getting packed. Life is getting hectic.

InPRO was done. ADFP/ACTP dominates no more. And yea, we lost. But what, we had fun! That's what matters no? Kudos to all of the paraders! We did our best! 

Life is fun. And it's miserable in certain sense. People out there, please behave as ones who you shall be okay? Don't be so exaggerated! Gosh, it's damn frustrating!! Are you that desperate? Ewww!

And please, spell the word R-E-S-P-E-C-T!! Everyone has dignity! She may not voice out the dissatisfaction, for she doesn't wish anyone to know that she'd been hurt, but please, don't scratch on the scar, or even, spread salts on the unhealed scar, again and again. 

Intentional, or unintentional bias or favor is very hurting. Indeed. You thought you'd been doing so much, but then in the end, people still ignore, and the bias still doesn't go to you. And what if the favor goes to someone you love, or you care? It's sort of, difficult for ignoring and acting as if nothing has happened.

Urgh. 

Had been kind of emo.

Great things still go around, despite of those frustrating stuff. They are yet to come, lots more of them! 

Belle my dearest house-mate came back! Owhh. Love ya babe!! And met Aween too, when she came for InPRO the other day! Awww. Love y'all.!!! These peeps are so lovable. I'm sure missing you so much after this. Aww.

Serving in Sunday's school was a very different and fresh experience. Kids are so lovely. Kids are so true, or pure. I was still kind of scared, for I was not really fond in dealing with kids. But then, it turned out to be fine. A very different kind of blessing within it. 

Loads more things to be scribbled. Nahh. I shall really keep track with my blog.

This much for now. Class is starting soon.

Catch up later.   

of somethings

Right now I'm in computer lab of INTEC's library, with a very fresh mind, but a very empty tummy. Yesh, I'm hungry.

Well, class is going to start at 12 noon. Came to INTEC at around 10am, for there is no bus after 10am. Good thing is I really feel energetic and fresh now. And so that's why I don't like 8am class. Just let me sleep a little bit longer and I will be good.

I think I should take up the habit of keeping track on my blog. I remembered I told a friend, I blog to record my life. It will be a path to reminisce after all. And this traced to a question the friend asked, what does actually photographs mean? Frankly, my answer was just the same as why I blog, to capture the memory, to trace with my life. Photographs tell everything. Yea. I love photography.

Owh. before forgetting, I must say, Inception was nice! It was great! People, it was a must-watch!! Two and a half hours in cinema, and you feel like you had gone through so much suspects, thrills, excitements. I was like, sort of stunned with the movie. It was just great! And yay, this is what I call a real movie!! Woots. I just love this kind of movie!

INPRO is coming up. ADFP dominates? Hopefully. Haha. Am joining parade. Kind of looking forward to it. All the best people!

The new semester was so far so good. Lecturers are good, and humorous. A Malay lecturer speaks Mandarin, Foochow, Hokkien! Wow isn't that amazing? One sad thing is, there isn't any English subject for the semester. All the Science subjects are coming up though. I shall really work hard for this semester.

Church services were good and very anointed. Frequently I see something. Passion. Anytime, anywhere, I shall keep my initial passion for God. And the childish-pure heart for God! Sometime, truly, don't complicate life so much. Think plainly in everything, life will be much more easier.

Another thing is, my hair is getting longer and longer. And this bothers me. I don't know shall I cut it or the other way. Any opinion?

And yay, I changed the blog's skin. The template and the layout as well. Hopefully it looks better? 

I'm a tumbler, tumbling in the world, in the life.

soup of love

So, the freshie day was done. The freshie day we had anticipated so much was done. Praise is to the almighty Lord! Hallelujah!

17th July 2010. It was a very beautiful morning. It was a very warm morning, which of course, warmth of the weather, and the utmost, warmth of people, love of people. It was indeed a very lovely morning.

Photographs were up to Facebook! Here's the link! And another album, here goes the link!

committee members

freshies!

A morning to be remembered. A memory not to be forgotten. All those preparation, discussion, planning, practice were worth remembering. 

It's all because of love. God's love is just great. Power of love is amazing. Let the chain of love flow, through each and everyone of us. And that we'll see how love is going to bring transformation and revival!!

Not forgetting, again, thanks a million to all who directly or indirectly participated the event. Thanks to everyone who made to join. Thanks to all members and leaders. Thanks for all the prayers and concerns. Thanks to all the committee members. Thanks God for everything!! For we believe, without God's guiding and leading, the day wouldn't turn up to be what it was. Hallelujah Praise The Lord!!

LOVE is going to bring miracles!

ashes

Hadn't update for a very long time. While, out of the blue, I read back my own posts and I came over one which said, a new year's resolution for myself: a post per day at this site. Uh-huh. And only two posts for the entire month of June? Haha.

Time flew, in a very very fast pace. Summer ended, and fall started. 

Some recap. 

ATU Night. An annual grand night for ADFP-ians. Everyone looked grand! Heeee. Enjoyed, although it wasn't as grand as the other colleges' so-called annual dinner or prom. And although not each and everyone was joining it. And nahh, ADFP has a lot of hot and sexy peeps too! LOL. Here's the link for the photographs!

 

Karaoke session with few hard core of singing peeps. Hadn't go for karaoke for quite some time. So, had an enough and satisfying singing session. 

A day out with Spring's Bostonians and our beloved Mr. Kamal to Mid Valley. And now I really miss them. Spring 2010's Bostonians! We had all the memories which were solely possessed by ourselves, no one shall ever take them off from us! And most of these peeps are going to fly off soon. All the best friends! All the best in the States! Always and always miss y'all and love y'all.!!

Two weeks of summer break came to its end, in a so hectic and rushing manner. Holidays is never enough, no matter how long it may be. Or, is it somehow, I've grown to be so sluggish and lazy after much relaxing? And, seriously, my biological clock shall be reset. Shouldn't wake up in the noon time more, yay, not more. 

Two-weeks-break, a not really productive, but kind of a satisfying and packed break. Some significance?

Endless dramas, movies, series. More than enough of sleeping. Match! And yeah, Spain won! I would say the thing which really caught my attention wouldn't mainly the match itself, but the prediction thingy. Paul the octopus! Hah! It was kind of funny, and indeed, very catchy that caught lots of attentions. LOL. Alright, I remembered a friend once said, don't bother the prediction thingy, but the octopus itself looks tasty! HAHAHA.

Went to Bangi, and paid a visit to court! Weee. It was a very different experience though. And Kajang's satay's trip! Hah. And the stay in Subang throughout the week. And if you would know, it seriously made me, like so much to not come back to Shah Alam. But, do I actually have a choice to choose from? Uhh. Be grateful and appreciative though!

A day feasting at Empire's Pasta Zanmai, the place where Guo Bing works. Nice food. Pizza with scallop was heavenly yummy! And the 30 percents-cooked egg! Aha. And another day of Korean food at PJ. Ouh nice! 

Another day out with Audrey! Awwww. We hadn't been meet up, for like so freakishly long time! Finally, and finally, made it to meet up with her at Pyramid. Although it was just a very short meeting, I did enjoyed. I liked it when you asked about the particular guy, hah, you still remember it. And I liked when we talked about guys, hahaha, gossiping is what girls do best at, no? LOL. Cherished the moments. Love ya!

Some outings with Chris, who is now somewhere at the rural Bangi. Awww. Enjoyed shopping with him, somehow. And the other day of tripping to Shah Alam. Settled his setem hasil thingy, and settled my bank islam thingy. Anyways, all the best for all of your future undertakings and may God bless you abundantly in whatever you're doing! Will miss ya! Strive well in Bangi. Haha.

Working experience with Miu. Aha. I followed Miu to her office, literally I was working, working on PPS and Facebook. LOL! Did helped her out too, although not really much. Enjoyed eating the 80 cents' ice-cream though. Haha.

All the preparation and practicing for our freshie event. It's not an easy job, but yea, God reigns! Another few days countdown to the real date of it. So, the last striving for it and we proclaim it shall be a great victory for God! We declare we can reach the targeted number of people! Foe we know God is with us. We're not doing all this by our own ability, but by His mighty power! Pray for everything! Pray for all of these preparation beforehand, pray for the progress on the day, pray as well for the follow-ups after the event. Pray that souls are retrieved for God! Amen!

And something God had shown to me. Something which I had been praying so hard for. Thank you Lord! Something gained, patience. Wait for God's timing, and what's yours will be yours! He knows what is good for you, at the exactly correct timing. 

Sometime, really, spend some personal time with Him. God loves us to have fellowship with Him. He always wants us to enjoy in His love divine. He always wants us to embrace in His abundant grace and mercy. Love Him, praise Him, worship Him whenever and wherever we are. Praise and worship to Him shall not be refrained by any time frame limitation or venue limitation. Really, spend some quality time with Him. Something great is going to happen.

New semester is going to start in a real soon. Fall 2010. Arkansas. And being a senior. This is it. 

Strive hard, said to myself!

breakthrough

I had had only a very single post for the, almost, whole month of June, unbelievably. 

What had happened to me, seriously? My days were so packed, so busy, during this very season of summer. 

I have no idea of why, but I really screwed my summer, I mean, in my academic performance. Somehow, sad. Yea, I did. And felt like so sorry for some people. I'm sorry.

Realized that, emotion is irresistible. Yea, may be you can suppress and deal with it in the beginning; but, the duration won't be long. Some day, it'll overflow, when you really can't resist with it any longer.

And is it, unconsciously and unsoundly, turning into a habitual schedule?

And is it, pretense to be so good that, as if, either one is blind, or the other is invisible?

You know what? The words like sad, depressed, are like, futile already. Instead, it's death, the dying off of a heart, which after a lot of pain, a lot of attempts, yet, everything is malfunctioning, and eventually the heart, or the will dies off, and the numbness creeps and attacks, that everything feels normal as though it's what it was. Whilst, in the deep inside, you know it wasn't. But, you know also, coherently, nothing can be done. And you choose to let it be in the end, with the faith of believing time can heal the bleeding heart. 

But is that really the case? If that is, there wouldn't be piles and piles of tissue papers lying around. If that is, there wouldn't be a pair of bulgy eyes on an emotionless face. If that is, there wouldn't be a passionate heart growing cold. If that is, there wouldn't be hypocrite with smile on the face but tears in the heart.

I'm sad, you know? 

Or, do you even care?

in a glimpse.

First thing first, I really can't believe myself for not updating my blog, like, for ages. Unbelievable. Busy? Somehow, but not really. Lazy? Yea, most probably. Darn me.

Alright. Some quick glimpses, just want to keep up and catch up with my life, with the things happened in my life.

And time went by in a really freakishly fast pace. It's June already. June. Nearly half of the year is done! Uh, time is cruel. 

So, 1st June. It was Polycarp's birthday. Gave him a blast, quite a success blast for him. Blessed birthday and a blessed year ahead bro! Spent my time with a bunch of juniors from Japanese program. Nice time with them!

birthday boy!

And then, 3rd of June. Out of random, we went for movie. We shall refer to Rachel, Jazz, Lawrence, Aje, and I. The Bounty Hunter at Sunway Pyramid's cinema. A funny movie! Some sort of ridiculous though.

After that we were so hungry and finally we decided to eat in Pizza Hut. Lawrence went on for his own stuff after the movie, so left only four of us.

Jazz

Rachel

Aje

And then, after that, Aje went off too. And left the three of us. And we had a great time shopping! Woots!! And I met up with Ivy too. 

likey!

Then. 4th of June. Kind of absurd, believe or not, I took my flight back to Sibu! Weeeeeee! I was so happy man! Yea, the 4th of June, early in the morning, I took cab to KTM station. And then took the train to KL Sentral. And then took the bus to LCCT. And then finally, took the Airasia's flight, and flew back to my lovely Sibu! 

Owh! It felt so great to be home!! Uh well, I went back for a purpose of attending a family function. Yeah. It felt undoubtedly awesome to be home, to meet up with family members, relatives. The sheer feeling of home, you know how it feels! Awwww.

sister

my mum

jia yi

wenn & cherng

love this photograph a lot!

And time flew. It's cruel, very cruel. It was Sunday and willing or not, I got to take my flight back to KL. It was sad you know. It was particularly very very very sad when my mum was weeping when I went into the boarding room. And when I saw my mum crying, I just couldn't bear my tears. Urgh. I knew I failed again.

Oh yea. I met Kelvin in the airport. Uh. He's indeed a very good guy! I never met a guy who is such caring and who is such gentleman. Seriously, he is. Thank you for the day! Really really thank you! And of course, thanks God for my safe journeys!

7th of June. The night, I attended the basix class in church. It's a great course! The first lesson I guess I already learned a lot of things, the things which we don't really think of usually. Am looking forward to the rest of the course!

And the 8th of June. It was Summer's birthday. A great day in Midvalley! Blessed birthday sis! Love ya! And yea, Letters to Juliet was a great movie. Hah. Lorenzo! It was sort of a touching, romantic, and sweet love story. 

birthday girl.

love this photograph!!

And we had the LIL's meet-up on Wednesday. It was a great one! God is just so amazing! The meeting on that particular day just felt so good, when everyone seemed to have no intention to end the sharing. Everyone just enjoyed the time sharing and listening to God's works. Praise The Lord!!

And then, Thursday. We had a great oikos! Although there were only five of us, it just felt great! Learned a lot of things through Leonard's sharing. Obedience! The thing I'm learning. Oh Lord. You guide my heart. Guide my heart more than anything else. Keep reminding myself to set my priority to God in everything I'm doing. Please God in everything I'm doing, rather than pleasing myself. Thank you Lord. God is just so great! Hallelujah! Glory is to the mighty Lord!! Amen!

And now, it's Friday. A no-class-day! I'm going to spend my day wisely! 

I shall sleep now. Good Night!