Important

There is a big grand thing. There are a few pimples grow on my back! Oh God, it's so painful when I accidentally touch them. Especially when I am bathing, or accurately, after bathing, the time to dry the body.

Argh................. why they will grow on the back? And, these days, in Shah Alam, my face just get to grow pimples often. I had seldom had pimples before that, even when I was in National Service. Sob. FOOD. It's the main culprit.

Anyway, I will be going back to my sweet home very soon, the day after today, that is tomorrow. Aha. The two months at home shall let me, at least, to have a better life, than the days here. Two months. Aha. xD

Austin

My feeling now is so miscellaneous. Every types of emotions are spreading all over my mind now. Most of all, am feeling happy, as it's, finally, the time to go back to my sweet home. It's Saturday, the coming Saturday, which is about 3 days from now.

And, it's just so unsoundly, that, the first semester in ADFP, in INTEC, comes to its end. The fall semester is going to end soon, in a very near soon. With the end of the last paper tomorrow, at the same time, means the end of this semester. Suddenly feel like so EMO, when think of the matter that most of us will not be in the same class anymore in the next semester. All of my fellow Austinians, I know I am going to miss you guys much.

Austin

Li Yen, Jazz, Rachel

The time we spent together will sure be a part of my memorable and unforgettable memories! There may be Austin class next semester, but it will surely not consist of these same all 2o peeps anymore. Lol. Emo-ing again. Anyway, all of these guys, I would like to take this opportunity to say "Thank you" to you all. It's good to have you all to be my classmates. =D

利用

今天, 我终于清楚地看到人心的丑陋. 在那之前, 还一再地说服自己, 一直不把这些事刻意地记着, 为让自己好过一些. 但是, 今天它已经到了它的极限, 无法继续欺骗自己了. 就在今天, 对这个事物已越来越没有好感, 反之, 充满了厌恶感, 我想我的忍耐与仁慈已达到了一个限度.

很难得的, 我选用华文来写这篇文章, 因为我觉得它更确切的表达我的感受, 但是本人在华文方面的文笔与造诣, 说真的, 没有很好, 就请多多包容与谅解.

当一个人, 他, 到处去宣扬一些不实的事情, 而他自己却才是这些被到处宣扬的最佳例子时, 你会有什么感受呢? 而且, 这个人没有一点点的尊容与羞耻之心, 我一直觉得这种人活着真的没有什么意义, 然后, 无时无刻都秉持着"受害者"的心态, 认为身边每个人活着就是为了害他. 然而, 却没有仔细地想过, 自己才是每每从别人处得到无数的好处, 而从来就没有想过为别人付出那么一点什么. 再者, 当他需要从你身上得到一些东西时, 就装着他跟你之间的感情异常无比的好, 就连说话的语气都变得温柔无比. 我真的无法忍受这种态度! 人与人之间就不能有一点真诚吗? 但是, 话又说回来, 我想是要看与什么人之间的交际, 当你跟真心的好朋友在一起时, 这些情况就肯定不会发生. 因为他们了解你, 大家坦诚相对, 不会刻意地去互相猜忌, 更不会精心盘算着要如何从你身上夺去一些好处. 好朋友之间的关系不是建立在私己的利益上, 而是有着那一颗的真心, 去经营这一段的友谊. 特此向我的这群真心的朋友们献上感恩之意, 因为有你们的陪伴, 照顾, 扶持, 我才能继续地坚强地面对这所有的一切. 我也要向那些因利益而交朋友的人表达我无限的同情, 因为你们永远无法了解一段纯真的友谊所带来的快乐!!!

现在, 在听着这一首歌 - 我们爱让世界不一样

你和我是天父爱的创造
每个人有最美的梦想
一路上彼此照亮　扶持拥抱
我们的爱让世界不一样

我们爱　因神先爱我们
虽你我不一样　我们一路唱
走往祝福的方向
我们爱　因神先爱我们
心再坚强也不要独自飞翔
只要微笑　只要原谅
有你爱的地方就是天堂

我必须学习原谅, 宽恕.
宽恕是和平之门!!!

载自爱真facebook的状态:

这一路来，到底是谁被利用？是你？是我？是他？还是大家都在利用彼此呢？不过，没关系，有人要利用你，就代表你活得还有价值，还有被利用的价值！在这糜烂的社会，只有谦卑的态度以及情绪智慧和挫折容忍力，才可以爬的更高，飞得更远！加油！！！

值得让我们驻足省思...

Sincerity

Too many things happened these days. The last night, I felt that I was so weak, and had been crying so hard that I was actually experiencing the serious ache of my eyes today. I just cried, let my tears flowed, ceaselessly, until I was actually too tired, and fell asleep unconsciously.

I just want to say that "sincerity" is important in a relationship. It's an unavoidable element, the lack of it will cause the imperfect, and most of the time, makes the relationship worst. Well, over is over. There is really no point for mentioning the past, and that's so I had actually deleted lots of words which appear to be not the words which can encourage others, with the hope of making this post good, without those flaws.

I would like to thank all of my sincere friends. I appreciate you all much. Thanks for the accompanying, comforting when I am down, and when I am seriously in need of them. The calls, messages, tissues, hugs, etc... bring me up, and they really calm my heart, ease my emotions. I know these friends are the angels God sends to me, to care for me, to help me, to share my happiness, sadness, and all. God uses them to tell me the verses from bible, which are so powerful and great. Yea, the words of God are great, we should always hunger for His words in our daily lives.

"Patience is the best remedy for every problems we face in life."

"你们当爱你们的仇人, 当为迫害你们的人祈祷."

"宽恕减轻痛苦的重量, 拉近我们的距离感."

Too much tears

I had been crying so hard today. Crying, again. Sometime I really hate myself for crying so easily, is it the problem of my eyes which are too small that they can not hold the tears and restrain them from flowing out? Sometime I don't really want to cry, but the tears just drop so naturally, without any expectations.

This day, firstly, I cried, due to the ferociousness over certain thing. I just got to cry when I was angry. Well, there is no point to mention the matter again; over is over. However, I would like to proclaim that our God is so great! He just has His way to heal one's heart. Through Angelina, I got heal and learn what He wants me to learn. “你们当爱你们的仇人, 当为迫害你们的人祈祷” 谦虚及心中有包容的人, 仇恨没办法靠近或感染他. Amen! Yea, Lord, Your words touch my heart. And, after about a half-hour cry, everything is over. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Lord! You are deserved of all praises.

Then, I logged in to the blog, having the desire to drop some lines. I saw the comment Joanna left for the previous post. The feeling of warmth rose deep from my heart, and the feeling of crying came again. Next, I read up Joanna's blog, her new updated-post. Her words are just so, oh my God, I couldn't stop crying when reading them. They just looked so lively, and talked to the precise point, that very aspect of point which just strikes straight to my heart.

There is indeed a problem around these days. Lord, I lift it to You. You have Your way for it and I am declaring it will be conquered, following Your will. Everything from You has its own meanings and demands. I know, it's the time for me to take up what You want me to learn, from all of these accounts.

POTENTIAL

There are two prime things.

1. Angelina and I have a consensus on a certain thing and it has become our frequently-discussed-topic these days. Well, it's, actually, not a good thing and shouldn't be shared here. But, we have really had mutual thoughts about this issue. So, basically, I think it's not out of our problems; instead, it's the problem of that particular being, seriously, the attitudes and behaviors of this being are the causes of this consensus. Sigh. It's life. I should dedicate a meaningful quote to myself, as well as to Angelina, "Come up to reality"!!! Okay, it's actually not an easy task to reach out for such an condition. You should have some kinds of hidden talents and potentials in yourself so as to become that specific character!! So sad that Angelina and me will never have the chance to become one, we do not possess the POTENTIAL. Potential is an imperative element in this matter. Ha ha.

2. I have started my daily devotion, along with Ivy, Jenifer, Leonard, Ivy K, Khen. Hmm... it will be a good way to get myself even closer with God's words, and a good chance to learn more from one another. Indeed, it is important in these hectic life, where there are so much difficulties and challenges to face. I need, and have to be brave and strong, especially in some sorts of situations. Angelina, you should know this very well. However, I know that everything that God wants me to go along must have its own meanings and blessings. So, I shall just wait for God's timing and go on my life, no matter how bad it will be. At least, I know I am not alone. Specially to Angelina, I appreciate your accompanying every now and then. Truly, the matter of dinner just now, somehow, made my heart moves. The sentence "我没有那么没有义气", means a lot to me, really. Ha ha. Thanks. =D

implausible

It's just too good to believe, that, holidays is just about two weeks to go. Yea, it's final break, which will last for two months. I just can't stop getting excited over it!!

Another grand thing is the Deepavali holidays, which I am sure will, definitely, be another few crazy days. This evening around, the destination is Sunway Pyramid. Tomorrow, it's KL, but don't really decide the definite aim yet, just random and follow the instant feelings.

Well, there are a few great deals to cope with before enjoying the long break. Firstly, next week, there are book review presentation, campaign presentation, two Pre-Cal quizzes, Grammar Quiz, and Ethics test. Next, the week after next week, will be the exam week. Writing, Reading, and Pre Calculus. And then, it's done. Ha ha. Hopefully I do include all of the tasks.

Immortality

I love the way of being loved by you

I love the way of being cared by you

I love the time of being with you

THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE

The way of without punctuation signs
to be the mark of perpetuation
among YOU and ME

Indignant

I had been so angry last night. Also, this morning, which really makes me feel so bad.

Why must you do that? And, if you are really insisted on doing that, why don't you do it the another way, instead of the way which causes so much troubles!

I was really getting mad over it. A serious indignant in my every single nerves. I had not had the feeling of such ferocious for long already; yet, you broke my record!

And then, I cried last night. It's just a minor cry. I had no reason for it. But, I will cry when I am angry. I know it's such a weird thing, but I can't help it too. Perhaps it does help to ease my feelings, at least, a bit.

:P:P:P

Accounts

A quick glimpse on these days:

I shall start from Saturday, 10/10, which is such a memorable day, the SAT test day. SAT was done finally. SAT was done! It was an ordinary day, but it possesses some kinds of amazing-ness, at the same instant. Early in that morning, we, Angelina and I, had our breakfast in KFC, which is so peculiar if compared with others. Well, it was our sorts of theory to have so-called a healthy and good breakfast, before going for the test, so as to have a healthy mind, where SAT required a really clear mind, to work, say, about 4 hours. Well, the site scheduled was McD in the first place, but then it was not "officially" opened yet at that time, while outside the building there was a big title of "24 hours". Okay, no offense.

After the test, most of the people went to Sunway Pyramid, as we were doing the test in Subang, the Metropolitan College. We were the few among fews who went back to hostel. And this actually raised curosities, where we received bundles of comments which sound overall like: you all didn't go out today? It's so strange. This was to mean we, who were supposed to go out and to fool around, didn't do so, and this is the point which people felt weird of. Okay, now we knew that we were termed as "playful and outgoing" in people's eyes. Use the word from Angelina, we were just "adventurous", to tour around every here and there, every now and then.

We had our lunch in Pak Lee that noon, which was the restaurant with a bit more standards in this area, to had our kinds of celebration. There were 5 of us. Angelina, Cindy, Chui Lim, Wen Kiong, and me. And then, that evening, we went for church. Angelina and Cindy went for theirs; and I, along with Ivy, Jenifer, junior Xin Yi, and senior Xin Yi(this is the only way to differentiate them) went for ours. We went by KTM, as it's near, it's just Subang. Once reaching, we headed to search for food, as there was someone who claimed she was extremely hungry and she would starved to death very soon. That being was Jenifer. And what's funny was that we had such an indecisive moment of where to have our dinner. Fianlly, we went to the food court of Carrefour. And, there was an amusing account happened in between. It was Jenifer, again. Once she stepped into the lift, and it's at that very moment, the door of the lift closed, and the rest of the event can surely be imagined by you all. Ha ha. I just couldn't stop laughing after that, seriously, I had nearly laughed my ass off. Anyway, there wasn't any tragedy, and I was also sorry for the event as I didn't press on the button to prevent the door from closing. Ha ha. *Wink-ing*

Then, we went to church by walking, where it's quite a distance away from where we were at that moment. It's tiring, but still, we had good fellowship among one another and after a couples of minutes, we finally reached our destination safely. Thanks God.

The next day, just as usual, we had our Sunday Service at KL ECA. It was a good one. And, we came back quite early yesterday. Once I reached hostel, I started to watch drama, "K.O. 3an Guo". I couldn't help it. I was getting addicted to it seriously. After that, I hibernated myself, for just about 2 to 3 hours. And, I was actually awaken by my friends to have dinner. And then, I just started my homework and assignments at 10pm. Until 1am, I just slept; and this resulted in genuine soporific in myself during the class just now, even though it was a calculus class.

I really couldn'y concentrate when I was feeling sleepy. The most obvious evidence is from my handwriting. My handwriting, at usual time, can still be considered neat and nice. But they're really terrible and horrible when I had written them during my sleepy time. My words are like flying all over, ups and downs. Sometimes I myself also can hardly understand them.

When you're really sleepy but then you can't sleep, and yet you need to pretend that you are actually attentive; that's the worst thing to experience. Yet, I had bundles of such experiences. Am I torturing myself? Sob.

Got to go now. Catch up later.

From kiwi to SAT

It's kiwi, the fruit of the day. I had not eaten fruits, of any kinds, for long. So, we went to Mydin just now to pick up some fruits. I bought this is just simply because it's one of my favorite fruits. Also, I had bought an apple too. Seriously, I think I should have lived, at least a better life, which I mean in the aspect of health. In the end, health is wealth.

I shouldn't be here now actually. While the "should" is taking up SAT exercises, or reading up some vocabulary. Owh... SAT. Okay, it's just like for about 20 hours more that SAT will be done. Think from this perspective, it actually helps to ease the tense.

Good luck! And gambateh! Pray for me. Thanks.

SAT

The real SAT test, yes, it's the real one, the grand one, the ultimate one, and the one which means to be the decisive key in the future. It is on tomorrow, 10th October 2009, equals to Saturday.

The ticket to the exam.

It's like [Oh my God!!!!] I start to feel nervous now. It's like just a few hours more before going for this grand event. It's some kind of implausible, may be it's that I keep telling myself it's still long way to go before the real SAT test, and so don't really struggle hard for it. Well, I'm just a true Malaysian, a genuine peep who holds for last-minute. But then, SAT is not something which you can take up for last minute.

"It's just language, either you know or don't know." It's what my lecturer always says. Yes, it's true. But, for me, just my very own opinion, SAT is something about patience, and, somehow, luck. And, it really requires a clear mind. So, I should sleep earlier tonight. A good sleep provides refreshment. And, I should have a good breakfast tomorrow, but then I am still wondering what should be a good breakfast, around this area.

Anyway, I will be going to Subang for this test. The actual site is Metropolitan College in Subang Jaya. Hope that everything will be fine. May God guide me all the way through, equip me with strength, confidence, calmness, and a clear and fresh mind. And all the best to all the ADFP-ians who are going to sit for it tomorrow.

Just bring some sweets and tidbits along. Ha ha.

GOOD LUCK PEOPLE!!!!!!!

I want to say that...

Sunlight is so warm. A simple but complex sentence which is produced after much and some kind of deep experience, the one which you are involved, or say to be the one you have the chance to participate in. It's extremely cold in the library, especially when you are spending hours here.

I have been here, well, I'm still in library now, since 1pm. The reason for it is of course to wait for attending the Language Awareness Night, the closing ceremony, which I don't really know when it will start.

Let see how I spend my hours here. Firstly, from 1pm until 2pm, I used up the one hour mostly by talking, with Angelina, where most of the time, indulging ourselves in our kinds of odd stories and jokes, and also talking nonsense, things without much significant points. Well, those are meant to be fun in this dull life, seriously.

After that, she went for class. So, I was left alone. I started to take up my Reading book, with a sincere hope that I will cherish my time today to do what are supposed to be done. Well, if that really happens, the sun will rise from west for the next day, I guess. I fell asleep after half an hour. So, no worry, the sun will still rise from east. Ha ha. I slept for about an hour. I can't help it, the environment is just too cosy for sleeping.

Well, I did "the things which are supposed to be done", looked up for Reading, and did some exercise for SAT. Then, went for dinner with Andrew and his friend. And now, in the computer lab, typing this post. And I guess it's nearly time to go for the L.A. Night.

Lastly, I want to say that, I can't make it to Oikos tonight, just because of the service mentioned above. I am not Naruto, who can split himself into two similar beings, to attend both of the services. Truly, if I will have the chance to choose, I will definitely choose to go for Oikos, the time for God, and the time to relax, with all of the great brothers and sisters around. Well, sometime, or all the time, authority is just more than everything, either voluntarily or reluctantly.

A point-less day

Today is tantamount to Tuesday, in which should be a hectic, fully-packed day turns to be a day without any significant highlights and points, such a main point-less day.

First, it's Reading Class. It's initially known that we won't be having this class. But then I still went to school at 8am so as to prevent any "accidental" incidents to happen. Next, TOEFL Class. It had been canceled so I continued to lure around in library, and to throw myself into the deep sea of SAT. Inevitably, I fell asleep, where the environment is just so cozy for a good sleep.Then, Writing Class. We were asked to do exercises in the class. After that, I went for lunch with my friend. Next, went for the last class on the day, OC Class. It's done after finishing two listening tests. So, I reached hostel by just around 3:15pm.

Anyway, the days will continue to be busy and hectic. I can, in some ways, foresee it. The nearest grand thing is the Pre-Calculus Test tomorrow. After that, it's SAT Test on this coming Saturday. I start to feel intimidated and butterflies in my stomach, seriously. I really do hope I can do my best and score it with good grades. And, all the assignments which due in the very near future. Last but definitely not the least, it's the final exam of this semester. It's just around the corner, a very near corner.

So, should start to figure them out, from this very moment, without any further procrastination, which I am really unable to afford any longer, for my own sake of good.

Bliss. :P:P:P

Mid-autumn

It's a song which Cindy asks me to download. I cried when listening to it.

This is a mooncake festival without family. What a sad. People always regret just after they lose. I only know now and really have a thorough understanding of "独在异乡为异客,每逢佳节倍思亲". I miss my family a lot. I miss the moments we are together, they may be the laughter, sorrow, quarrel, etc... All those I miss, really.

My tears keep rolling down at this instant, typing these words and listening to this song. Learn to appreciate when you still have chance, really.

I know I am not alone on this festival. There are bundles of friends, whose little words or any single action which can somehow be a big encouragement in this foreign land.

Going to church now, I know I will be getting something from God tonight. He will prepare and makes the best!!

Cheer up!! :)

Ravenous

I am suffering, from hunger, seriously, I mean, HUNGER. Gosh, I am totally revenous now. Well, it's all of my own fault. I woke up late and so have no time to take breakfast. That is it, ends up with exagerrated hunger that my stomach is growling all the way.

And, these few days appear to be a critical period, for me. It's of those few days of the month, the honored feminine stuff. I have been grown to be so normal nowadays. This should be a good sign; BUT............. Okay, there is always a "But". Well, I should really learn to appreciate, instead of those endless complaints. And, it's the self-perspective which determines most of the things. Try to view things from another side, and it will make a great difference. It's sometimes the single glimpse which seems to be so minute that plays an imperative and decisive role.

Another thing is my mobile phone. Continue from the previous post, it is now in its dying condition, which means I am now having life without this important tool. It's so inconvenient!! Alright, be patience. "Patience is virtue". Lol. I will wait for 2 or 3 days, if it's not functioning still; then I will buy myself just simply a usable phone, I can not stand my life without this imperative tool. Seriously.

Going to leave now. I HOPE sincerely, there is a bus for me to go back. I do not want to become a corpse, who dies of starvation, ha ha. Just kidding, no offence.

Do catch up later.

:P:P:P

塞翁失马,焉知非福?

I have got a lot of things to say, but I don't really feel like writing. But somehow, I feel like writing them down, every single piece of things that have taken place in my life, to be the reminders and memories which I can refer to after all. It's just oxymoron. My mind is just always contradicting with my action.

A lot of things happen these days. Everyday will just load with its own things and they are really out of my expectation. We just can not expect what will happen the next second. Lots and lots of things happen; those of my own, friends, family. Sometimes I feel like can I just be a polar bear, and goes into a long period of hibernation that I need not to be fretting about all those things.

It is this certain quote which keeps crawling and echoing in my mind: "Something which you want is not really something which you need". There are so many circumstances in our life that we want somethings so badly, but then we do not really think carefully that whether the things are of our needs. It's at most of the time that the things are not of our needs, indeed. They are just somehtings we want, for our own sake of benefits and entertainings. From the perspective of Christianity, it's just the same and the utmost refernce will be to our supreme God. God will not give you what you want so badly if you are not in need for that particular thing. And the thing is not really the one which is tangible, it can be anything; sometimes, a relationship. For everythings we go through, there is God's meaning in it. Sometimes we may blame for difficulties and certain tragedies which fall upon on us, but God has His own purpose in them. He has his plan on us and what we should do is to follow His words. And, do not blame on God's timing. Wait, and God will give you when it's time for you to get and to experience.

That will be the part. Next, it's the thing of emotion. I get to cry so easily. I always wonder why is that so. I am a crying baby, so an easily-cry-bug. My tears glands have been grown too well, I guess. Ha ha. I have been crying ceaselessly when I am reading my friends' blogs. Cindy's, Angelina's and Joanna's. They are tears inducing somehow. Yes, they are.

"我们有哭有笑，哭是因为感动，是因为想念，是因为怀念，是因为自己的曾经的曾经；笑是因为开心，是因为庆幸，是因为珍惜……还有不明原因的笑" It's quoted from Joanna's blog-http://jyjona.blogspot.com/

That is the sentence which is so directly touches my heart and I can no longer hold my tears; they just drop, and I have no intention to stop them either. May be you will say that the sentence is just so simple that there's nothing to cry for; but I do. I can't help it, either. This time around, I find that songs can be so powerful. It was the day when we went for singing karaoke, I had cried so much, over few of the songs that we sang. Well, mostly, it's the friends-based songs. Also, those of family, especially parents. And also there is that specific song which makes me think of that particular being. I miss you much.

I shall stop myself before dropping into the memory lane any further. Well, there is a certain amusing event happens today, just this morning. I had dropped my handphone into the water. But then, the thing is that it still functions now. I dried it when I picked it up from the water. Well, the water is not of vast amount, but it;s also somehow quite a lot. Initially, it did not function where it did not respond when I pressed on it. Then, I went for my class and I just put my handphone in the pocket. After that, I tried and it could barely function, it lags all the way. And, now, it is functioning in its tip-top condition. What a funny account. And, actually, I feel like it;s functioning even better than it is before. My friend says the same thing to me too. Truly, it becomes extremely sensitive now. Before that, I need to press quite hard actually for it to detect, but then now it has been so sensitive that I just have to press softly for it to function. Just as what Angelina says, "塞翁失马，焉知非福". But then just now Olivia called me and told me that I would better not to use it for a short while so as to recover to its original state.

Anyway, now, I am really in a state of freezing. Lol. It's so and so cold. Catch up later. And, I am going to Spelling Bee Competition, as a forced aundience. :P