get outta my way

Most blog posts are written out of emotions. That, is true. 

Hello, did you really just use 'Yours faithfully' to end an email, an informal one, that is. Did you really think I have eyes on my back or my side, or did you think I don't have ears. Was it even hard to open up your mouth or was it really hard to pronounce my name. Oh my god, I am enough of someone creeping by my side, just standing still until I noticed his presence. If really if you have so much time to spare, seriously, just don't spend it in such way man. And. Are you a caveman dude. No another "better" old-fashioned, (extremely) conservative person I've known, and conservatively speaking, will know. And. Dude. No one owes you money. Stop putting up that face like we owe you shits. Jeez, I haven't had this in a long long time- a person that I have totally completely no desire to talk to. Any communication skill you can think of will die on this person. 

Man. I can't even. 

曾经

我们都没有变，变的是我们拥有过却回不去的曾经。


我们那么甜那么美那么相信那么疯那么热烈的曾经。

想 幸福

那一份只能一个人收着的情感，它最近特别特别的浓烈。我以为断了音讯，一切的我们之间会随着时间飞逝慢慢淡化。朋友突然的关心，让我很手足无措，只能笑着说没有什么。不是我不想说，是不知道要说什么，是怕说着虚假的坚强外壳会在任何一秒钟瓦解。

那一天和几个友人在一对夫妇家庆祝中秋节，她说了一句那么简单却深沉无比的话。“有男朋友吗？” “没有。” “也对，有的话哪还会跟我们一起。” 总是会有些时候，也希望自己像其他人一样拥有简单的幸福。看着许多朋友，尽管是排除万难终于握紧了彼此的手，还是已经握紧的手随着时间而握的更紧了一些。即使可能曾经也不看好的，到头来看着他们幸福，能做的也只有默默祝福。 只是常常总在想，那么不可能的他们都可以勇敢的握起了对方，拥有那么多可能的我们为何却？

哭了。今天醒来的第一件事就是狠狠的把你想了一遍。随着背景音乐波动，思绪也波动着。我希望这一份坚持是对的。更希望这一份愚钝的坚持可以维持到对的时间的那一天。

我 只不过是个想幸福的人。

Life Is Pretty Simple

Wednesday is a long day for this semester. It is but another pretty day. You see, it really depends on how you choose to see it. I had been losing track of keeping a positive attitude towards these daily routines which keep going in the little cycle. But it was a little different today. I find myself looking into the details of this beautiful life, contemplating on the past, present, and future, and putting the best curve that sets everything straight on my face. It's one of those days that things just seem perfectly perfect, despite of being a little busy and all packed with the tight schedule.

This morning, I saw rainbow on the splashing water of the fountain and I thought how awesome is our God. It's probably due to the reflection of sunlight on the water, one of those physics theorem. I am still trying hard to grow some sort of interest in physics, for that matter. I realized how I have been building my own perspective towards some issues or people. Until I find out intuitive perspective is not always true. Talking to a new friend, learning some of the things I have never heard of could be really intriguing. Doing a Mathematics quiz with the question goes "compute 1 + 1" because the lecturer was not too happy with the huge amount of absentees in class, I found myself smiling, one of those sincere smiles after a while. Life is pretty simple, no? And a lecturer can be really cute, sometime.

A simple dinner after a really long day could be a bliss. Far more important, a dinner with pretty awesome people and the odds of fortune cookies tickling us in an amazing way. Hooked myself up completing some homework, whatsapping with a friend, talking on phone with mom and dad, catching up a little with television series.. and you thought that's all? Nah I was pumped. Hit the gym, hence. At 12am midnight. I find myself falling in love with jogging on the treadmill, gradually. It was the time when I feel myself totally indulged with the music and had my mind lost thinking, reminiscing all kind of beauty that lies in the details while jogging unceasingly. Stepped out of gym, I unconsciously held my head up and looked onto the sky. The sky was amazingly pretty, full of twinkling stars. So much memories. But this time, I find myself smiling, again. I am glad that we made the right decision on that starry night. It was a smile of relief. It was a smile of knowing coherently that we had all those good times, and that's what really matter. 

Today was just a pretty day.

新的乐章。新的故事。

咽炎暑假就这么悄悄溜走。这一次我很不舍。从去机场的路上开始偷偷落泪。在登记手续台面对行李问题时无助眼泪直飙。进了候机室每接一通电话，熟悉的声音在电话另一边回响久久不散，电话这一边哽咽像个傻瓜一包纸巾接着一包久久不停。为何离别那么那么感伤。

到了后来才渐渐明白。除了不舍。泪水中还参杂了些许的不愿。潜意识在反抗。反抗时间变换习惯性的事物再也不在。或许渐渐的我明白了电视剧男女主角分开后，回到曾经回忆满满的地方时那种的想念和缅怀。朋友说或许这是最美丽的结局。只是名为回忆的花园太让人情不自禁的感伤。说我是感性的动物。我只是泪水太多太多。

至于生命还是有许多美丽绽放的花蕊等待你我去欣赏。新一季的学期，许多新的面孔。认识一些新的朋友，听听他们的故事，体验或许从来都不曾知道的事情。再见旧朋友，叙旧，畅谈我们错过的故事精彩。至于生命还是有些小细节等待我们去发掘，去度过。容忍这功课也许是怎么学都学不完的人生道理。试着观察人心，小小动作所带出的信息也等着被继续的研究。人与人间微妙的情感不是经过长时间就证明它的醇香，也不是经过短时间就判定它的肤浅内涵。

至于生活还是有许多美丽的事物等待我们去参与。家里添加了一个小生命。那么的感动。那么的值得高兴。朋友的关心和了解。那么的暖心。也许生活有时真的不是那么尽如人意。但一切顺利的旅途或许太烦闷。

把握。珍惜每一天。因为今天终究都会变成昨天。因为我们终究都会变成昨天。

期待。展望每一天。因为每一天都有太多事情值得我们仰望。

爱。喜乐。生命。

新的乐章。新的故事。

简单 生活

这个暑假我认真过着简单生活。外面世界太匆忙。现实生活太累人。简单生活真的向往了很久。一个朋友说不行了。是时候回家充充电。


喜欢跟朋友聚聚。聊过去，现在，未来。喜欢跟好朋友去旅行。阳光，沙滩，海浪，还有浸泡在盐盐咸水，天南地北哈拉的我们，就够了。喜欢听诗巫人说华语带着浓浓福州腔。那种腔调点缀了我们的童年。是那种腔调让我们找到了家的味道。


喜欢诗巫人浓浓人情味。喜欢这片土地浓浓家的味道。人家说，失去了就懂珍惜。我们都太习惯这样的生活环境。一直到去外地生活久了，才懂得简单的美丽我们都错过太多太多。回不去的从前我们也错过太多。


看看书，看看戏，看看生活，看看世界。听听歌，听听你的，我的，他的悠悠的岁月，听听自然的天籁。闻闻自然芳香，闻香水味在他身上散发的气质。尝尝想念很久的食物，品尝咀嚼的口感。感受情感的刻骨铭心，亲情，友情，各样的情与爱，像闪烁的星星点缀夜空般，为生活添加更深一层的简单幸福。


我想，我好爱 简单 生活。

感动我过一种生活

简单到没有奢侈的轻松

-苏打绿 简单生活

突然好想你

我就要忘记以文字表达情绪的那一种感觉了。懒惰好可怕!

隔了似乎有一个世纪那么久，终于拥抱了家的温暖。其实所谓的异国风情真的只是在时差过后所适应的生活习惯。回家一个多月，美国的生活似乎已经再次回归当初的陌生。我甚至有一点害怕再次离开现在的熟悉，即使那是两个月以后。

与其说时间的变迁让许多的情感都变了质。其实倒不如说人的自我人的好面子若不蕴藏和怪罪于所谓时间变换的那层薄纱后面，就真的只能赤裸裸向世界宣告的确是我的错才让事情变成这样。其实任何一种的情都不是时间所造就，而是爱。我们都太傻。即使有再多的不甘心，有再多的泪，都已经无法修复那么多美丽的曾经。

我喜欢现在这样悠闲的生活。我说就这样尽情的享受无所事事的奢华。吃喝玩乐也挺惬意。偶尔和友人吃顿晚餐，喝杯下午茶，畅谈在过去日子我的你的他的错过来不及参与的故事和其中的喜怒哀乐。就是这样的回首让我们看到了我们都这样的经过了人生中总会要面对的历练，一步一脚印的成长了。

一个朋友说跟老朋友在一起的感觉很好。不是么。有人说老朋友就像镜子中的自己。即使再久没有见面，感觉还是一样的熟悉。那种感觉很真。真得令人很安心很温暖。

闯荡一番，我们都终于明白了距离让我们的心更靠近。触手可及的现实却将无数回忆扣留。骄傲的倔强躲在风中歌唱。再多风霜也只能独自沉默来替代惯性的依赖。

最怕空气突然安静，最怕朋友突然的关心，最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息，最怕突然听到你的消息。想念如果会有声音，这是最后一次悲伤的哭泣，我希望。

好爱好爱五月天。和他们美丽的歌。

Forgiveness

After hiatus.

Time heals many things and what it cannot heal it at least makes clearer. You ponder upon how much sense that makes. I think I am still a huge fans of this saying goes, time makes everything better.

The real forgiveness is when you finally decide to break these chains binding you off and you finally understand that love is no more the shallow cognition your mind could comprehend. Love is a decision, an action which leads to unending joy which you would have never imagined of. 

Easter Sunday has always been one of my favorite festive days throughout the year. It is a day of joy, a day of love, a day of hope. Featuring the first time celebrating this lovely day in the States, I am deeply moved by His sacrificial love and His almighty power of resurrection, just the way I did every other year. God is so good, anytime, anywhere!

He has the best plan in store for you and me. He has so much for you to learn even through a really minor daily life happening. I was angry. Not the madness over the matter itself, but the fact of this being who wouldn't ever learn to be tolerant while he himself has been tolerated so much really irritated my some sensitive nerves. I had so much urge to burst all these emotions out and do the all same things they had ever done and I was pretty sure I could do worse than those. The next moment, I cried out to the Lord. Literally, cry. The indescribable comfort warmth pampered through my heart. And He led me to this verse,

Do not say, "I'll do to them as they have done to me; I'll pay them back for what they did." -Proverbs 24:29.

The verse totally struck my mind. Amazing, no? When the world and all the people say you are wrong, you know that our Lord will prove you right. When all these people are giving in to the world, it really doesn't mean that you have to conform to the same thing as well. The Words had coherently said,

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -His good ,pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:2.

Seeing you do all those stupid things to destroy yourself, I am really sad. 

You know what. I am going home in THREE weeks time! Can you feel my excitement? Hee.

I think Imma curl my hair :]

Good night!

Heartily

Maturity is merely experiencing all things before every one else. 

Smile. :)

XueBuHui

I am tired. Really tired. Mentally. I can't take this. No more. 

One of another cruelty a person can do to herself is really the cowardliness to face the real self. She thought she will be fine without committing to that pathetic reality. Yes she looks extremely well in front of everyone. She looks deceivingly fine even in front of herself. She really has no gut to take off that little piece of mask which covers, which wraps everything up so nicely. She makes herself busy to avoid a disease called "over-thinking". She helps people to solve a lot of problems. But she never knows how to fix her own problem. So the only way to fix it is to avoid it. Keep avoiding it. To a point that she feels the problem is gone. To a point when the tote of silence has become the best disguise and everyone is extremely good with it.

So why break the tote? 

如果结局早已命定，我不会让自己经历这些痛。

Don't you?

You know what. This thing of Chinese New Year away from home is literally killing each and everyone who couldn't get to go home during this lovely festive season. Chinese New Year away from home is definitely one of the most cruel, one of the saddest things that could have ever happened. And it happens. Oh boy.

When even listening to my mom telling what all the beautiful people are doing back at home, how shopping mall, supermarkets are fully occupied with people, how congested the traffic get, etc could be so sentimental that all I could do is to picture these scenes and to remember, recall myself being in those good old moments, just as they used to be in each and every other previous year. And when even browsing through all those Chinese New Year related statuses, posts, videos could be emotional that they so easily stimulate the tear gland to produce so much precious tear drops. 

I miss home. Don't we all do?

失去。漂流着它来过的证据

蔚蓝的天空任我们去飞翔，人生需要自己去闯。

-最美好时光。

决定，今天一定要好好的写一点东西。三个星期的寒假华丽丽却同时非常感伤的结束了。要用一个字来概括整个假期的话，那将是感动。感动万分的同时，感恩。感谢神每一步一脚印的看顾带领，感谢神在生命中每一个安排都是如此特别，蕴含着每一个等待被揭开的意义。当我真真实实的身在纽约市中心，当我叹为观止的看着无比壮观的尼亚加拉大瀑布，当我内心澎湃的仰望着高高耸立的自由女神像，当我真真切切的穿梭在哈佛大学的校园，当我置身于迪斯尼乐园观赏着如此真实在我眼前上演的各种表演，相信我，好多次我真的不能自己的想要大哭一场。感动的氛围刺激着每一个神经线，一次一次的提醒着自己是多么的蒙福。曾经以为只能在梦想中上演的情节，如今就这么真切的发生在现实生活中。我知道自己是蒙受祝福的。我感恩。感谢爱我的耶稣基督。我赞美。称颂这位宇宙万物的主宰。 =)

寒假的结束，送走了2011，迎来了崭新的2012。写博文好像总要写一下对于过去一年的感言和对于新一年的展望。2011发生了许许多多大大小小的事。开心快乐难过生气各种各样的酸甜苦辣，生命就是这样不是吗。至少到了最后你我他都知道什么样的人事物带来什么样的感动心痛纠结。对于2012，也对于新学期的展望，我给自己一个从来没有在我身上发生过的挑战。活了两个时代，发现自己从来没有在学业这一块付出过足够的努力。发现自己总是抱着得过且过的态度面对生活。离开家里后，生活总是没有规律，糊里糊涂的含混过关。所以，这一年，我要对得起自己。这个学期我要去上每一堂课，我要为每一个功课每一个考试付出足够的努力。这一年，我要勇敢要坚强要爱主更多爱家人更多爱朋友更多。

有人说，旅行的意义就是逃离。逃离的不是一座城，而是一段回忆。有人说，旅行是逃避。逃避一个人，一段维系艰难的关系。有人说，旅行是找回。找回一个人，一些人，那些温暖而纯真的感情。这一次的旅程，谢谢你们让我拥有这么多的快乐与感动。那么的快乐我希望这段旅程永远都不要结束。在繁华的纽约市，朋友的阿姨姨丈表姐表弟所带来家的感动不是三言两语就能道尽。每一个的叮咛都那么的真诚那么温暖人心。一起搓汤圆一起说说笑笑让身在距离家有几千几万公里的我拥有那种家人才能给予的安心，拥有冬至家人团聚的氛围。圣诞节的海鲜火锅，圣诞节礼物，都让我那么真实的感受到这一个美丽的季节带来的轻轻淡淡却深深烙印在心中的祝福。每一餐的三珍海味，每一口家里的味道，干捞面，肉骨茶，点心，还有许多的许多，简简单单的幸福满足充充足足的横溢在空中。与亲爱的朋友在经过半年不见面的相聚也那么微妙的感动绕溹。简简单单的友情，不需要华丽的浮夸的虚伪，讲求的只是一颗真诚坦诚对待的心。聊一聊生活，谈一谈心事，讲一讲八卦，晚上很累却不睡觉抱着枕头说着所谓的枕头话，赤裸裸的摊开所有，不需要拥有任何的秘密。一起旅行一起吃好吃的食物一起坐巴士一起唱歌一起走一条又一条的大道一起逛街一起看电影。很美好。

佛罗里达迪斯尼乐园还有环球影城，是一个和一大帮好朋友的一段旅程。这样或许是最好不过的，在每一个半年来一个大相聚。每一个见面蕴含了各种兴奋，每一次分开充满不舍，却同时保有下一次再见的期待。因为生活就是这么的喜欢捉弄人，它就是喜欢让你无比珍惜你所没有拥有的。迪斯尼乐园是小时候的憧憬，是一直以来的梦想。憧憬变为事实，梦想得以实现，心中真的有那种说不出五味掺杂的兴奋快乐感动。与一大班朋友一起倒数新年，一样看着烟火表演，就跟每一个往年一样。唯一特别，不一样的一点是一大班人身处在美国，或更甚，身处在迪斯尼乐园。那是一种很美很特别很值得永远记住的经验，的回忆。

后来终于在眼泪中明白，有些人一旦错过就不再。

-后来。

后来，我爱上了跟知心的朋友聊天。后来，我爱上了越洋聊天。谢谢你这么的了解整个状况。一句句的我明白，我完全了解让我有种安心的泪奔感。其实后来我们都发现，兜兜转转了许久过后，中学那段时光真的是最美好最难忘的。一个不争的事实就是，其实我们都不想要长大不是吗？成长真的要付出很痛的代价。长大拥有着那么多的烦恼。

原来一直都只是很努力的说服自己假装不在意，假装自己很勇敢。到头来发现都是假的。在电话的这一头，说着说着就感伤的哭了。原来所谓的课业繁忙，天气冷，食物不好吃，等等的等等，都是假的。其实我们都明白我们只是都累了厌了烦了，退缩不想不敢不知道怎样去面对现实了。有时候，我想有一个药丸吃了可以把不想要拥有的记忆统统删除。

如果有一天撞上一个小缺口，我怕沉入海底。

-漂流瓶。